hello

Oh sparkling,
yooooouuur kneeee!

Please be careful!
Soak it in a warm deep bath?

Yes, my letter needs a couple of tweaks. Family Mediation and me agreeing to terms for 2 months whilst mediation has opportunity to take place? Hope my one-shot solicitor is right in his advice. It feels wrong. Then after Louise does nothing about Family Mediation people I can fill in the contact order and parental responsibility court oders. Also solicitor said to ask them for parental responsibility to completed by client(?) though not sure why they would do this for me? It does not benefit them.

Luke did a good job of trying to teach me front crawl this weekend at swimming pool. I'm at bubble blowing stage.

Half a sleeping tablet not got me through night. Said to mum how can so many awful things go on with such beautiful weather?

Best take another half sleeping tablet then.

sy

Hello,
more trivia from me.

Well, anyone that knows me, knows how odd it is that i buying and eating fruit.
Tonight I bought and ate a whole melon. Something very weird happening to me.

Of course, I am scared to do my solicitor's letter now.

Don't do today what you can put off till tomorrow. Bit annoyed at myself.

Seem to have ground to a halt tonight. House very silent now Luke gone. Spoke to children tonight for night night. Luke not know why he wasn't at school today. he say he coming next Friday (?). Not sure what is really true.

guess i'm lonely again.

sy

If sparkling reads this - have you had your x-ray and how is your leg?
Do you realise you have inspired and taught someone to make an omelette? It's no small thing!

thank you Louise,
I am quite confused.

I have spoken to so many people. I can't take any more information.
There's paperwork everywhere.

I hope a nasty letter does not come tomorrow.
I need 1 day break to find my feet. I must do that solicitor's letter tomorrow. grrr at myself.

Melon is consumed - doctor today said tablets affect appetite, but fruit preference too?

big huuug and a happy sigh for you louise.

sy

Hello sparkling,
ye! almost managed a night without sleeping tablets.

Do dogs have hair cuts? I've never had a dog. My nan always had beagles, and they were ruled by their noses and would find a scent and then disappear for hour or 2. My brother's girlfriend had a boxer with lovely personality, very fun.

I've had another weird dream.
I was on this spaceship as a passenger and there was this strange satyr type woman with furry legs and hooves. She did fancy me from a distance but I was unsure. Anyway, there was emergency and nasty aliens came on board killing everyone and I ran for the lifeboat. Then I heard her scream and wasn't sure whether to go back. Then I picked up a laser axe and stood in front of alien and said "let us embrace at last" to nasty alien and I was not afraid anymore (was not sure of my chances). I fought it but it caught me across face and I couldn't see because of the blood. After I chopping alien with some unlikely acrobatic moves satyr lady ran with me to lifeboat (not sure how she get grip on shiny floor with hooves) and we blasted away. There was a medi pod for repairing humans and I slept whilst it repaired my face. We were near her homeworld and she was pleased to take me there. There was something she wanted to do. We landed with the smell of damp vegetation. My eyes were covered with bandages and I was led into stone corridoors and eventually to a hall of stone. I was asked to kneel and a voice of an elderly woman came. My satyr girlfriend told me not to be afraid and that the old woman would "touch my heart" to see if it were true (?). Then a withered hand touched my chest and I felt the old woman's presence enter me. Everything would be OK and the satyr girl was the one for me and I was the one for her. I was happy and excited.

Then I woke up unfortunately. Feel lonely now. Where's my satyr woman gone? Sure we had differences, but I could live with the hooves.

Sparkling, are you OK to drive that long? What about your knee? What time must you have got to bed if you only started cutting dogs hair at 10!

What was the exam you did?

I've been training Luke at weekends to put things away. I do it with him so it does not seem like a punishment and he gets to ask and see what goes where. It's good to train the kids to help mum or dad. I'm sure they want to.

Dreading the post this morning.

My mum thought of something funny about contact proposal of 40 mins in park with arwen - what happens when it rains or in winter? Hehe, they being silly. Might have to mention it in my letter I'm putting off. Grrr at myself for putting it off. Why am i so weak?

I have a list and log of activity, experiences on my laptop. It's fear holding me back doing key letter.

Miss my satyr woman, never got chance to kiss her!
Now I'll never see her again.

sy

OK - god help me and guide me with this letter!

This is my draft now:

Dear Sir,
Thank you for your communication re contact with my children which has arrived on 4/7/09.

The new proposal put forward in your letter differs significantly from the original contact agreed by Louise and offers very reduced and less regular contact than the current arrangement. This is not in the best interests of the children, where frequent and regular contact with their father offers them the best long-term health and wellbeing.

The current arrangement is that I have both children to stay each weekend, commencing Friday evening with return on Sunday afternoon. They reside with Louise ****** and her new partner Paul during the week. A telephone contact is made each evening during the week between 7-8pm from me to the children to say night night and ask how their day has gone. The same telephone contact is available to the mother during the weekend.

It should be noted that your client has refused to fully honour this current contact agreement:
19th June: stay over drop off – Arwen kept in Paul’s car – no contact with father
26th June: stay over drop off – Arwen kept in Paul’s car – no contact with father
28th June: drop Luke – Arwen has 30 mins contact with father – supervised by Paul and Louise in park
3rd July: stay over pick up – Arwen kept up in Paul’s flat by Louise – no contact with father
6th July: drop Luke – Arwen has 30 mins contact with father in park.

I have seen no evidence of “clinginess” from Arwen. Arwen and I have a happy relationship during the time I have cared for her daily during the course of her life. I am quite used to looking after both children on my own each weekend, when Louise is working.

30-40mins park access for the father with Arwen every fortnight does not offer the regular and close contact that with her father that Arwen needs in order to continue having a secure and loving relationship. It is also clearly impractical, what happens when it rains or in winter? Both children would most benefit from being kept together when there is contact with their father.

Louise has full access to her new partners vehicle and has been very mobile during the time she has left me. I would of course make every effort to ease collection and delivery to ensure the children’s welfare. However I would also expect the same commitment to contact from Louise and her new partner in the interests of the children.

I propose for the new agreement that both children have contact with their father every weekend, with me collecting from Romford on Saturday morning at 10am and Louise and her new partner collecting from Tunbridge Wells on Sunday at 3.30pm. Telephone contact for the father continues during days where the children are with Louise between 7-8pm. The same telephone contact is available for Louise when the children are with the father.

This arrangement is to be an interim one, lasting 2 months effective from Friday 10th July to fully give the family mediation offered to both parties every chance of success. I would have the children for 1 week this summer holiday. Other school holidays, birthdays, Christmas and special occasions to be discussed, along with other separation issues at family mediation.

Please bless this letter, any divine power, and let me be thinking clearly for once.

Will check school in a mo.

sy

hello sparkling,
what a fabulous mum you are! Four children to motivate!

I'm not sure I would have enough holiday days to cover two separate weeks in summer.

Have made so many calls this morning - my head whirling. Children still not in school. Social services say I need locate education welfare officer because of education lapse. I'm really concerned now. They were interested in Luke's black eye he came with. They also thought Arwen contact ridiculous and disruptive. They say I need speak with social services in Romford if I have concerns.

Mum needs me this afternoon, so have to rush all my calls. Ordered paper for order of service booklets for funeral.

Hope satyr lady visits me in my dreams again tonight. She very mysterious. Hope to kiss her tonight.

sy

hello,
on reserve battery.

Had news from mediation centre that Louise has rejected mediation.

It means the next stage is court order:

parental responsibility order
contact order

Been tearfully choosing music for funeral Thursday with mum.

Counsellor tonight.

back later.

sy

Hi,
it's too late to leave out paragraph in solicitor's letter as I posted it 2 hours before family mediation called me.
Very exhausted tonight.

Thanks to whoever deleted Louise' surname in sample letter, sorry I didn't notice it in text : (

Counsellor thought I had done well, especially at CAB. He suggest doing something different for contact this weekend, maybe not seeing Louise at all and have Paul come down with Luke to diffuse things. Seems a good idea. I'll text on Thursday to suggest it to Louise. That way Paul not be protective of Louise. Should be less aggression.

Louise refused family mediation, so path is open for me to do court order for contact and parental responsibility. Just need to give their solicitor opportunity to respond to my proposal letter I sent today I guess.

I know it's really odd, but I really want to meet the satyr lady again tonight. For those wondering about number of legs, she is the two legged variety. In my heart I know she will not be in my sleeping dreams again. Whatever you wish for never appears in dreams. I will miss her, I never knew her name - dreams don't give names, just emotions and imagery. I even liked the furry legs. She was about to get her mature head horns soon. They take a while to come through, like teeth do. I remember her kind face and the hope it created in my heart.

Made my third omelette tonight, thank you sparkling!

I'll stop now.

Huuug sy

Trying my second night without sleeping tablet.

Not really working out.

And worse, no satyr lady!

Not sure at the moment whether either Luke or Arwen will come at weekend. I only hear through Luke's night night call usually. I'll text with a suggestion on Thursday for diffusing contact difficulties and see what happens.

How is your knee sparkling?

Wonder what their solicitor will make of me not being represented?

I said something that made my counsellor go quiet tonight. He mentioned "words to the effect" it can be difficult for 40 year old woman with children to get new partner as not so many men ready for it. I said I would. And he was quiet for a moment. Maybe I'm not really capable of being a step dad, it would be tough. I hated my step dad when I was little. Wonder what counsellor was thinking. May ask him next week.

night

sy

Hello Louise,
phoned school again, children still not in. No definite return date. Louise say Luke is upset, though I spoke to him last night and he was fine. Luke is being seen by a local school to Romford tomorrow apparently. Louise say she will let school know. No news on why arwen not in school.

Trying to get to speak to education officer. She will call me back. Bit annoyed at school being led down garden path, eg last Monday Luke was listed at upset, and when i spoke with him in evening, he was fine and they had been at beach all day.

There have been multiple assurances that children will return to school, consistently broken. They are being very lenient at school.

Have just found that children's maintenance payment didn't get to Louise, so am having to chase that too.

Am dreading tomorrow funeral. Am still trying to do service booklet.
May get solicitor's reply tomorrow or Friday from Louise' I guess. If it look like dead end then I put court forms in + £170.

Tired again. Not sleeping.

sy

Hello,
spoke with the education officer, have a better understanding now.

When a parent calls in a child's absence, it has to be approved by the school, typically the head or similar. The education officer only gets involved if the absence is not approved by the school.

If Louise is looking for a local school, then she is deemed OK in the eyes of the law. Which she is.

I will still call the school senco lady tomorrow, but I think it is dead end. Also, how do I get info on the new school that they go to? I have to start my detective work all over again. Also, new doctor's for children, etc. They need informing that I receive copy of health and schooling information. But I have to track them down first.

I did nothing wrong, my partner has an affair, takes children and I get to only care for my children on an occasional basis. No say in schooling, healthcare. Something wrong somewhere.

FNF info says effectively that I have no legal rights for Luke at all. Until parental responsibility court order done. I'm not telling Louise that though.

No wonder spiderman outfits selling quick for father's crane stunts.

Have made a test order of service booklet. Some text missing, but duplex and imposed ok. Colour pics retouched and colour balanced. Mum out at mo. Might have a nap, she has missing info for booklet. Then we have 35 to print and bind with silver ribbon.

See Alan's picture and can't believe he's dead. Even though I saw him waste away over 2 months.

sy

Thank you all so much for your care.

Just got back from mums, mum and auntie from norfolk are folding and holepunching and binding with ribbon.
Printer crashed and i had to reinstall drivers.

I am going to prepare a text for contact on weekend. there is no guarantee of contact though. I will suggest just Paul comes down with Arwen and Luke on Sat morning at 10. That way, should be less tension? If Arwen does not come down, it's just another refused contact. I'll try again for Sunday I guess? Hard with no communication, it falls to poor old luke to get messages back from Louise. Not fair on him.

Settling financial matters will come to me when children are sorted on contact. Then, have to get agreement to sell house etc. All that have to be later. Mum is very fierce at the moment, her poor little sister is taking brunt today. I try to protect her. Mum never usually fierce, she become new person.

Funeral tomorrow - hope the rain stays off, 35 people can't fit in tiny house.

Thanks sparkling for your suggestion, never got chance to rest in end. I don't have a radio, so no classic fm.

Would like Friday off, but think solicitor's reply will come that day. Bound to be annoying. I need to tile the bathroom for sale. Only off 1 more week. then paper bedroom and fix ceiling. Then paint children's room. Then put floor in kitchen...

hmmm, it'll never happen.

sy

Hi sparkling,
sorry it was not really a break, though if I had spare time it wouldn't do me any good.

mum really stressed, and deadline very tight for me layout/design booklets, so not really relaxing. Had to make compromises because of time, when he deserved the best.

Yes sparkling, it is the strangest thing to me at the moment, Louise almost needs me to be an enemy. It has distressed me deeply, as if the years mattered for nothing. If our roles had been reversed, I would feel compassion and sorrow. Maybe my life has yet to test me with that scenario.

huuug for you

sy

Another satyr dream!

I stood and watched them walk away together in a large dark temple, sighing with the pain of not seeing her again. I turned to leave and stumbled into a little wizened old satyr priestess who had been silently watching me from behind. She softly commanded me to come, I could not refuse her.

She lead me to an inner courtyard, open to the night sky. Dark shapes of plants and small trees I could just make out in the darkness. A cracked and aged fountain trickled softly next to us. She asked me to kneel and take off my shirt. She asked me to place her hand on my heart and I recoiled, sensing something. She said do not fear. I brought her small withered hand and placed it on my chest. Alarmed, I went to get up and run, but it was too late. She entered into me, and all my pain was exposed to her, and I relived the horrors of my life.

I woke by the fountain. I could see nothing, not even the stars. I tried to get up. But staggered and fell again. It seemed in my mind that I was not sure if I had hooves or feet. They seemed numb and cumbersome. I tried again, alarmed, to try and exit the way I had been led. But I fell to my knees against the edge of the fountain, grabbing at its edge.

I pulled myself up and staggered, like a newborn foal, no light could I see. A voice whispered in the dark "it's ok, your sight will return", "all will be well". It was not the harsh rasp of the old priestess, but a softer younger voice, edged with an old sorrow. Gently she took my hand in the blackness as I tried to control my feet by walking on tip toes. Walking flat no longer seemed natural.

I asked "is it far?" and she said "yes, but we will make it."

Then that was it. Only the old lady was the same as before. Didn't even get to see any shapely furry legs, it was so dark. No kissing either. Please, please, please can I have a kissing dream soon?

sy

little more on the satyr thing this morning before I woke,

I couldn't stand or walk properly because I now had 2 hooves, that's why my feet felt numb.

It was very muddy, slow trip through the forest, being guided with no sight and stumbling. And, she chose a route where I had to jump a ditch. I had to go up to the edge, count my paces backwards and then reduce them by one as I would be going faster forward, then juuuump! I only just made it, scrabbling up the other side.

Still no kiss though.

I'm staying in my bed on floor, in case she comes back.

sy

Hello,
yes Louise these satyr dreams are embarrassingly easy to decode! No more allegories subconscious please! I just want to enjoy my dreams.

OK - I sent Louise a text Thursday morning, suggesting I collect both children on Sat morning both children and that only Paul comes down from flat to ease contact, (so he not get aggressive if I question Louise. The I end up responding to him etc). I return them Sunday 3.30pm. I ask her to let me know.

When all the people were here after funeral louise breaks her silence and calls my mum, slightly tearfully apparently, asking for her to mediate a bit re contact. Also, first time she acknowledge "I know simon's upset". Understatement of the year. Mum could not go through it there and then, so mum will call this evening, purely for this weekend. This could be a breakthrough, we see. Poor mum sleeping at the moment. My boss told me go for a walk while call takes place, good idea, in case I get tempted to prompt from sidelines.

My boss called today to say I would be imminently going to half pay, so we are substituting holiday days instead. She get pressured by HR. She putting plan together Tuesday next week, so I am on non stress duties when I return. Her dad ill now, so she getting stressed poor thing.

I call school again this morning and children still not in. I have telephone meeting with headmaster on Monday as I want to know if these are authorised or unauthorised absences. I am concerned and I do not understand why the children are still off school. I will have my call log to refer to by then.

When I first took anti-Ds I definitely had searingly vivid dreams for first couple of days.

What would be a good kissing movie Sparkling, then finally I might get a kissing dream?

Not sure what market my dreams might have as a book, teenage boys? Not sure I have skill to be a writer. Nice to do as a hobby though...

Mum was ok yesterday at funeral. I found time when I got back home to grieve for Alan. So far I've felt guilty as I not wept much for him. The separation, children care and contact have taken all my thoughts and energy. She is exhausted, she still sleep on sofa nearby. She seen worse when we were children...

The song was by Elbow, 'One day like this', it grows from a sleepy ballad into an anthem, I love it. My stepfather had much more advanced taste in music than me. It was the last song he liked before illness got him.

Anna, those recipes are too advanced for me from the link. The basics for the cupboard were good idea though. Loved the graphic design of the site too. I'm still getting to grips with omelette.

Got a second look from checkout girl today, quite pleased. Though I did a very silly coy look at the ground thing! How old am I? 15? It counteracts finding my first grey chest hair today : (
I've plucked it out and told it not to return.

You know, I'm not quite right in the head, I've started toying with the idea of designing a tattoo for my back, based on the drawings of the black rabbit in Watership Down. Someone stop me please.

Don't go with him Hazel!

Really feel like a drink of alcohol. Counsellor and doctor warn me not to. Been 3 days without sleeping tablets.

No Luke tonight now - he be disappointed.

sy