hello
Hi it has been changed, I think Anna did it for you, don't worry guys :)
Hi, yeah I did take it out! Sorry I meant to mention it but got called away from my desk.
Sadsy you are SO naughty!!! :lol: :lol:
I hope it is all going well and you have a good eve. :)
He's missing us!!
Thank you for that. I know it's daft, and I don't really mind people knowing my name - not like it's unique!! :roll:
Xray was ok - she wasn't young, she wasn't slim and was ever so kind. I didn't worry at any point - but was glad I took the crutches in as my leg locked!
Done...
I do hope you've had a good day sy...
Ysbyty - hospital
us - but -ee (the ee bit isn't quite right, perhaps an elongated first bit of in)
Penrhos Stanley is just the name.
Pen - as in biro pen means top
rhos - as in ross when I look it up rhos shows up as moore
Thank you all for thinking of me at work :)
I'm so lucky to have met you all. (I'm not leaving you by the way, in case you got your hopes up!)
A few missing faces at work, the corporate grim reaper came whilst I was away and they have been made redundant.
One was my boss' boss.
Next round of redundancies next week.
I was really useless at work today, somehow my manager knew beforehand and gave me light duties.
Really nice to be back in the team again. Two ladies took me shopping at lunchtime, they were browsing the sales.
One has sadly just lost her father. So sorry for her. She not seem to grieve yet. I tease her and ask her if she can take me down catfood isle again in Morrisons (it was torture before) others in team abandoned me to my fate, 15 mins of choices of rabbit or chicken with liver were too much for me...
Lady who sit next to me, her auntie has just died and she was away at funeral. Hope to see her tomorrow. She teach me to make spaghetti bolognese when I was at home with email recipe. She is made of moral fibre and is a giant, even though she is really tiny. Hope she ok.
Very tired on way in, shake my head to stay awake in car.
Got counsellor later and kids call in a mo. Have to eat late tonight. Supposed to have done an anxiety log, I'll take laptop I guess?
I have got a blank in my memory to do with Louise' call to my mum yesterday. Mum has told me, but I have no memory of the details? Where has the memory gone?
sy
I should imagine that memory has been taken up by work, and the fact that Louise's phone call wasn't a positive one.
This page is flapping up and down now as I type! I'm sure it gives me a headache. Children have a two hour timeslot with their father - 6 - 8pm. Youngest saying it should be until 9pm as its holidays - they're not back yet, so he could have got his point across to his father!
Ah.
Spoke to soon. They're back :D
Wonder how many hours he'll give them this holiday (meow)
WELL DONE to sparkling for getting the Xray done. How scary that your leg locked. Hope you got home without too much trouble.
WELL DONE to Sy for getting the first day at work done, that was the biggest hurdle and now you have to re-bond with the team, I guess
HOPING that Paulasgems has survived Harry Potter!
I took crutches in with the Xray - thank goodness! She was so kind though, I didn't get worked up at all. :D As I was leaving, a woman walked into the Xray dept carrying crutches - I wondered if she had the same issues!
I'm sure Harry P will be brilliant!
I won't go to watch it incase my leg locks and I have a panic attack! Crutches helped today though... I've told the children we'll get the DVD and have a movie night - My daughter and I really love Harry P!
I do hope Sy is ok...
It seems to me you were only stating facts. 8-)
Loads of hugs paulasgems.
Hello everyone
Paulasgems, please don't blame yourself for losing your rag, you only did what anyone else would do. Sy is right when he recommends not arguing with their dad in front of the children but all you did was send a text message letting off steam. So take a deep breath and forgive yourself ;) Did you get that book I recommended? it would really help you to deal with all this. It's not surprising your daughter feels so aggrieved and (as I said once before) it's better that she lets out her feelings rather than internalises them, as this can lead to self-blame and sometimes even self-harm. Maybe you could have a little chat to her and say "I know you are very angry with your dad and you and I had a bit of a fall out yesterday, but today is a new day and you can always tell me how you feel, we will get through this together. That doesn't mean you can be disrespectful to me but I do love you and will always be here for you" Sometimes, when young people feel abandoned by a parent, they "test" the other parent by behaving badly...what they are testing is that the boundaries are still there but ALSO that you will not abandon them, however badly they behave.
Sy, sorry your sleeping still isn't too good but it does sound very confusing about what it happening. Do you think that Paul and Louise are splitting up and she is thinking of going to a refuge? By the way, refuges take boys as well (for Luke's information!) but I understand your thoughts that she may be seeing that as a way to "disappear". Poor Luke! he seems to have got caught in the crossfire with this one; Arwen is smaller and more easily consoled. I know you have a decent relationship with Louise's parents but I think you said that she doesn't see them much. Is there anyone else who Louise is friends with, that you could approach? Hope work goes Ok today.
Sparkling, good that you got that Xray done and you will just have to keeo an eagle eye on your kids' health, I have provided a useful link for you in the General Info section.
Take care, all, I am out and about today and will check in later
Hi all, I have just been reading through the posts and sadsy....I saw that you were online! Tut, tut!! :lol:
It does all seem very strange what is going on with Louise, Our Louise is right, boys are allowed in refuges, although some do have rules about boys over 16 yrs old, or who have a tendency of being violent. I don't know how possible it is to ask Louise outright, whether in a letter or over the phone, why she feels that she needs to go to a refuge? If she has felt intimidated by you, I can understand it, but if she is just using it to get social housing then that is really naughty of her.
I am sorry to read that you didn't sleep through, I thought you might as you probably feel doubly exhausted after work. I hope there are no redundancies coming your way? :?
Paulagems, don't carry that guilt, like Homer Simpson says (and I put it into our quotes thread) “You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once then move on.” I think in your situation this quote applies. We have all been there and it is normal to want to express your frustration with him, you are not perfect. (Said in the nicest possible way ;) )! My daughter is 14 and I have noticed recently that if I scold her for something (like rudeness), she gets really upset then starts talking about all the awful/unfair/difficult things that she is dealing with at school/friends/homework, I then find myself comforting her about that and the naughtiness has gone out of the window - the clever sausage!! Your daughter has a lot of difficult feelings at the moment, and Louise's suggestion of what to say to her I thought was brilliant, give it a go.
Sparklinglime, how long do you have to wait to hear about your xray? Did your children enjoy their visit? How are you today? :)
About 10 days before the results go to the surgery. I must change my appointment though, as it's next Wednesday.
You mean your appointment is before your results will get there sparkling?
Renault update: as you know, car was booked in to be repaired free, but before that it died in town and had to be towed away. Repair done and I collected it yesterday. Today I drove to York and on the way back huge clouds of smoke started billowing out the bonnet. I just managed to get it to the garage, it will cost this time as it is a water pipe. What was funny was that the traffic was very heavy and I was crawling along on the multi-lane road round the corner from the garage and people kept pulling up in the next lane, winding the window down and saying "Excuse me, luv, do you know you have smoke coming out of your car?" :lol:
Paulasgems, Anna is sooooo right about girls, they are very clever at diverting your attention from the issue in hand and making the argument/issue about everything else that has ever happened to them so it is a good idea to watch out for that and make them stick to the topic ;)
Sy hope your day at work has been Ok. I really don't know what to say about Louise and the refuge, what did she say to your Mum?
Have to say I'm curious as to what Louise said about the refuge too - and I'm not usually nosey... :roll:
Louise, I'm so sorry about your car. I know what a nightmare it is.
I can't see a way of doing it either...
I’ve lost my password!
Don’t panic! While your password cannot be retrieved, it can easily be reset. Visit the login page and click I’ve forgotten my password. Follow the instructions and you should be able to log in again shortly.
maybe you need to 'pretend' you've lost it...
Sadsy do not get caught on the internet at work, the last thing you need is to be booted from your job. We do not need to be the cause of that!
Paulasgems, I hope you manage to sleep well. I am so sorry to read your post, the fact that you were physically shaking, shows how deep his texts have cut.
Facebook - you can change your settings so only certain people can read your wall, this might be useful, so others can not glean what you are up to. It seems a bit odd that he is looking at your profile anyway. Don't you think? :?
You have every right to write on your Facebook wall whatever you wish and your friends have a right to share their opinions.
You have to shrug off what he said about you being similar to his Dad. This has obviously hurt you and you seem to whole-heartedly disagree, he was saying this to attack you and by you listening to it and (probably) considering it, means that his plan worked. It is a very conniving trick, one I have had done to me on a few occassions. You have to ignore it, it was him trying to have a pop, but not actually having anything to say so choosing other ways to hurt you.
I, too, also wanted to have an amicable split and bent over backwards and kept my mouth shut and tried everything to keep things on an even keel, but it didn't work. If I'm honest NOTHING I could have said or done, could have placated him, or made us friends. Still to this day, 7 years on, I am aware that he hates me. I find that really difficult to live with, but I can't change it and sadly it seems it is the only way he can deal the situation.
Who knows what the future holds for your relationship with your ex, but right now it is about protecting yourself, so that you can keep looking after your children and maybe one day you will be friends.
Take care of you
Hi Paulasgems
it's horrible isn't it when our emotions affect us so PHYSICALLY? :( Poor you, what a tirade to cope with! Hope you are feeling calmer today.
Lots of wise words for you here from the others so I have not much to add except to say what he said to you about his dad was calculated to be one of things that would hurt you the most. Whatever he says, he knows you to be a loving person who has tried so hard to support him over the years and one of the worst things he can do to you is to negate that......and of course to make you into a baddie!!!!
The thing about Facebook, well tut tut, talk about name and shame, he didn't like it eh? ;)
re that book, whilst he might well need a copy I think it would provoke another tirade at present so just get one for yourself....
Let us know how you are
Louise :)
Hello Sy
Yes, dont get into "bother" at work! they might have a way of checking up on web activity.
The garage man is phoning this afternoon, I have plans A and B depending on when it is ready. I have to get to a meeting which, although on a bus route, is unfamiliar and I won't know when to get off :oops: oh well it will be an adventure.
So I wonder if Louise is contemplating a house move to the coast. If so, why the refuge talk? As far as your house goes, Sy, the main thing for the children (Luke in particular) is that he has his dad in his life, not what house you are in (houses are just the background to our lives).
Take care
Hi Paulasgem
Sorry he's done this to you. I found ex would turn (and I'm sure still does with the children) everything onto me. I took a few years for people to realise that it was rubbish, sadly. I now know who my friends are...
Loads of hugs coming your way. Focus on you and the children. Try not to reply to him at all. If he doesn't like reading about himself on FB then he needs to stop looking at your profile. Do change your settings though, if you can. I know people can see stuff on 'friends' boards though.
Hope today is a better day for you.
sy - are you on contract with Orange? They will change it to be more suited to your needs, although it will be a new contract... I had to do it with my eldest. :roll:
While you ex is being totally unreasonable (I'm sorry if this term upsets you, but I keep getting mixed up with 'our' Louise), I really don't know what you can do to stop her. I went through solicitor's with my ex, and it couldn't stop him.
Have the papers gone into the Court? I just feel this needs to be acted on so quickly before things settle into the 'every other weekend' routine. If its established, it can be argued that its working...
Finances. I actually have book-keeping and accounting qualification and hate finances with a passion! You do need to open everything though and face it. You're so much stronger now than you were a few weeks back. You can do this and then make decisions based on what you can cope with. Please be aware though, should your ex go through CSA they will base maintenance at 20% of your income. They will have no interest in your outgoings. Travel can sometimes be taken into consideration. Please don't think I'm trying to worry you, I would be concerened if you thought you were doing ok and then CSA came along... Did you say this financial advisor your mum saw was good? Could he help you?
Work. Oh no. I'm hoping all will be well here. It's such a dreadful time at the moment. I truly do have everything crossed that the words you find (notice I didn't say poem!) will be magical!
Schooling. Surely as you have parental responsibilities - or will have - you have the right to know where the children will be attending, so you have access to how they're doing? I don't think you have to be informed of your ex's home address or telephone number. I know I don't 'officially' have The Git's address and I don't have a landline or alternative number. He does know the school's the children attend though, although I have no idea if he's informed them of his change of details. I've given the schools my ex-in-laws address as second contact.
Sy have you got over the shock of the phone bill? :shock: I have got my car back from the garage but.........it has to go back on Monday for further twiddlings so I haven't paid yet so I don't know what the cost will be. :o
Hello all, it sounds like most people have had a good weekend and today is a busy one for all.
Sadsy - How did your job go? I hope you will not be naughty and visit us while working! :o
It was lovely to read that you had such a good weekend with the children, sunday sounded like great fun. Arwen so obviously adores you. You mention that Louise wants to have her leaflet back, I wonder, as it had so many numbers on it, whether you could send it enclosing a frank letter from yourself, questioning where you fit into it all? It certainly gives you the opportunity to raise the question as to why she has it and how concerned Luke was to have taken it in the first place. She may not even respond, but you might feel that you have had your say. You can be honest with her about your short comings and it might give her a little insight into your world and what was going on for you, without any animosity.
Just a thought ;)
Sparklinglime, hope you are back at home, safe and sound and curled up in cosy chair with lime and soda! Look after yourself.
Paulasgems, how was Harry Potter? I heard it is incredibly long!