hello
That's why I do my shopping early, to avoid the crowds. i did my final lot last week where I got up very early and was at the shops as they opened, it was lovely and quiet.
Turkey crown sounds like a good idea, sparkling lime, all the best bits :D I do some meat in my slow cooker at Christmas as then there is room in the oven for the other things
Hi alisoncam, great to see you online again, you were missed this end too you know. ;)
Aghh, Christmas shopping! I can't bear the busyness of town, good luck bec, I hope as it is still term time when you go, hopefully the shops won't be as mental as the weekend or holidays. I went onto Amazon at the weekend to give it a go, but went round in circles, I feel I have done all the presents there are for my neices, pj's, necklaces, watches, dressing gowns, clothes, slippers, make up, aghhh, have to think of something alternative, aghh, mustn't think about it, might give everyone homemade truffles wrapped in pretty paper!
As for my daughter she wants a mini fridge! They are about £40 and only hold 4 mini cans, I keep telling her it is a waste of money and pointless and she won't use it after a month, which of course she denies and tries to think of new ways that it would be useful for her!!! I was laughing with a friend about it though and she reminded me that in our day it was a kettle, we all wanted a kettle in our room and coffee and coffeemate!!!
Pansy, how are you doing? How is your daughter and her dad coping? Have you relaxed into her being away? How are your other two??
That sounds hopeful pansy, even if it turns out only to be a bit of 'time out'.
I've just got the slow-cooker - I had some Argos vouchers.
I'll have to read up about them. Would you cook the turkey in it Anna? I always struggle for space in the oven for a roast.
I shall also get a turkey crown from Iceland, though not as big as Sparklings! I'm so unsure of what to do for dinner xmas day. My son prefers salad etc to roast dinner. I'm actually thinking of just putting a buffet out, as there's just the two of us, it seems a waste of time doing the roast anyway. I guess that way, I'll be able to spend more time playing games with him.
Pansy, how long is your daughter away for? Is it a trial process with her dad? I'm glad you are getting some relaxation time, though I'm sure you miss her heaps.
Anna, I agree that those fridges are a waste of money. Do you think though that you will buy your daughter one in the end???
:)
I saw a little fridge for £19.99 either in home bargains or Wilkinsons. Can't remember which, sorry... I bought one a few years back when I used to go away to Travelodges (£10 a night deals). I'd take milk with me so I could give the children cereal in the room. It paid for itself in that respect I think. I used it when my fridge decided to not work one day in the summer (but recovered, thank goodness).
The only reasons I do a Christmas dinner is because my children really enjoy it - and even love the sprouts 8-)
Personally, I think a buffet is such a good idea, and if that's what you'll both enjoy, then that would be really nice. You could always have some cold turkey with the salad for tradition :D
My lot are just gannetts. Which is why this veg and meat hamper is ideal. I have a few bits in the freezer now too, including the sausage with bacon wrapped around them which my daughter and youngest especially love!
I hate roast dinners. I'll just have mash potatoe :D
sparkling lime, I hope it is not JUST mashed potato for dinner?
Re slow cooker, you may in any case have difficulty fitting the turkey in there, the inner dishes of the cookers are quite a bit smaller than the outers. I think turkey is nicest given the chance to brown, one idea might be to cook it on Xmas eve and carve it and cover it in foil and then it is ready just to be reheated the next day, have to use plenty of gravy to make sure it does not go dry. We are having a little beef joint, that's why I am using my slow cooker, as I find beef hard to judge in the main oven . As you fill it with water it is the equivalent of simmering the meat rather than roasting it, if you think about it.
Hark at me , Delia Smith....NOT :shock:
Hi Pansy glad to hear that your daughter is doing so well and even gladder that you are having a quieter time. You will just have to wait and see how things pan out, it is great that the girlfriend and her family are being sl welcoming to your daughter.
Alisoncam the buffet sounds lovely, I always do a buffet on New Years Eve, it gives the illusion of a party and is easier for me to do! ;)
Anna my eldest really, really wanted one of those fridges a couple of years ago, in the end I said no because it would have been plugged in at the wall adjoining my bedroom and I was worried it would be noisy.
Hi Louise
Beef in the slow cooker sounds great, as I too can't judge in the oven! I have an old slow cooker that was my Mums, so I would gladly accept any help on that ;) When I say help, I mean that in every sense of the word, ie, water? How long normally for a small joint? I'm pretty sure I have the book somewhere :geek: I wonder if it might be worth my while doing more cooking in that rather than the oven. (I really am useless)
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi Anna
It might be worthwhile checking woolworths on line as I know they have stuff on offer at the moment. You might be lucky with the fridge! Good luck.
Think we're all presuming your daughter is going to get one now from Santa ;)
Have a good day
Alison
x :)
Hi alisoncam
Usually slow cookers have two or three heat settings, mine has low, medium and high. For a Sunday roast, say gammon for 3-4 people I put it on for 4 hours on medium. At Xmas if I do a larger piece, I have to get up very early (all parents are up early aren't they? :D ) on Xmas morning and then it can go on low for 7 hours. I suppose the two things I would say is: everything you cook must be completely covered in water and secondly, if you are putting it on medium then only have it on for a few hours.
Hope that helps :D
Thanks Louise, that has helped :D
As for getting up early, yes, I'm normally the first one up. I grab a cup of tea, then sneak into his bed. I pretend that I'm asleep, and just love listening to him, when he realises that Santa has been. I'm holding onto the magic of it all with him, as I'm sure next year, he won't still be believing.
I have managed to get all that he asked for, except for a ben 10 bin :lol: From the age of four, he always put a back scratcher on his list!! For the life of me, I could never get one. My sister went to America last year, and bought him a Disney one.
I think the idea of the back scratcher came from when he used to see my Mum with one. She died when he was two and a half, and he'd not seen one since. Wierd what sticks in their minds eh?
Thanks again for your cooking expertise ;)
Hi alisoncam
Usually slow cookers have two or three heat settings, mine has low, medium and high. For a Sunday roast, say gammon for 3-4 people I put it on for 4 hours on medium. At Xmas if I do a larger piece, I have to get up very early (all parents are up early aren't they? :D ) on Xmas morning and then it can go on low for 7 hours. I suppose the two things I would say is: everything you cook must be completely covered in water and secondly, if you are putting it on medium then only have it on for a few hours.
Hope that helps :D
Ah... I was told I could roast in it. I can do the gammon in it then (my community first hamper...)
Hi all
Could some of you offer some advise here please. As you know, my son's sperm doner isn't involved in my son's life. They first had contact when my son asked me lots of questions at the age of 4, and I tracked him down to Spain. They have met twice, and spoken on the phone. Right from the beginning, I told the sperm doner that he wasn't to mess with my son, and if he let him down, then I would stop contact. Eventually, the calls dwindled, and my son would be left waiting for them, so I did indeed tell T..... not to bother. I told my son that if ever he wanted to speak to his father, then we would call. That happened on about two occassions I think. In June, he came to England, and had told my son he was coming over. He told me that if he had time, and if it was convenient for HIM, then he would TRY and see my son. He was in England for 6 days, was staying with his mother who lives 3 mins from me, around the corner, and saw my son for just 5 hours. We had a heated row, and I told him to leave. He didn't bother to ring my son, and my lad asked if he could ring him around October time. He spoke for 2 mins only, and the father told him he would e.mail him on Facebook. My son has requested him to be his friend, but he refused. (No one on his facebook knows he has a son or daughter). Anyhow, no e.mails have ever emerged!!!!! My son isn't bothered at all, and never mentions it. Once in a while, I do tell him, that when he is older, he can make contact if he wants, but my son simply says, it isn't worth it. I am so angry, that once again, this bloody man is letting my son down. A simple e.mail or phone call, and he can't even do that.
Anyhow, my son's half sisters mum rang me yesterday, and said that she had spoken to the sperm doner. She has told him to send the kids a xmas card and some money. I had previously told her that I wasn't interested in anything like that. I don't want my son to get something this year and then next year, nothing. The absent parent shouldn't have to be told to send something for their children. If anything arrives, should I let my son open it, or send it back? I don't want him to get his hopes up again, and think that the sperm doner is interested, when he clearly isn't. This woman can act on her daughters behalf, but she shouldn't have even mentioned my son.
(sorry, the thing kept bobbing up and down while i was writing)
I've been awake half the night, wondering if I'm being totally selfish. Am I trying to protect my son, or is it simply, I don't want him in my son's life because he didn't want to know at the beginning, and it took a child to want to meet him? He has constantly messed up, refuses to pay anything. When he has seen my son, he's not remotely interested, he just bangs on about his job in Spain, (an entertainer for kids). He doesn't know my son's shoe size, favourite colour, what school he goes too, (jesus I could go on and on). Am I maybe jealous that my son might want contact again with him if he receives something for Christmas? I scrimp and save for food, clothes, xmas and birthdays, and he'll probably send a measly £10. I know that would mean a lot to my son, and I know I would again get angry. My son is not stupid, and many a time, when he has asked for something, or in one of his outbursts when I haven't bought him something, I have told him to ring his father for it. Shouldn't I know, but I have done this. My son will then say, his father doesn't give him anything, so no, he won't phone.
Perhaps, if something arrives for him, I shall just pass it over, and hope that next year, he will send again.
No wonder my blood pressure is high!!! I just wish this woman hadn't said anything. She has told the sperm doner things about me, and my medical history, that she had no right doing. I don't want him knowing anything about my son or me. I thought I had made my feelings clear to her, but she still goes ahead. I know she is need of the money, but her daughter has spoken to this man once at the beginning of the year, with the promise he would ring her, but he never has. Doesn't this woman realise by now, that it shouldn't be us chasing him for our kids, it should be him telling the kids how sorry he is.
Bit too early for this rambling I know, but.....
WHEW dear alisoncam, deep breaths!
Just before I get going I would like to say isn’t it ironic that your boy’s dad is a children’s entertainer? :lol:
Ok so there are two things here: firstly the inconsistency that you both experience from this man and your natural desire to protect your boy from the hurt. It’s not a case of being selfish or not, it is about you finding the balance between truth and calm. I agree that it is not helpful for you to say “ring your father!” when he needs/wants something you can’t afford, but you have recognised this and maybe you would do it differently another time (don’t beat yourself up, none of us is perfect). I think it would be Ok to give any gift/money to your boy and say “hey that’s nice that your dad has sent something, dad doesn’t always do that but it is a nice surprise when he does”. I guess I am thinking that it is for your SON to choose whether or not to reject his gifts in years to come, rather than being your responsibility. Does that make sense?
Moving on to what I think has upset you the most about this situation, it is the betrayal of trust by this woman. From her point of view, she is feeling indignant on both children’s behalf about the lack of prezzies and particularly the lack of interest. So she thought she was doing you a favour! If it was me, I would be very angry indeed that she had discussed my personal business with him and so you have learned something very important about her as a person and I don’t think you will be confiding in her again...that’s not to say that you can’t have a friendly rapport if that is what you want, but maybe you have a different view of her now?
What’s done is done and it sounds like your blood pressure could do with a lot less stress so......PHEW, breathe out slowly and calmly and with each breath let some tension go...you are strong and focused and worth so much more than the hassle around this situation!
...and on a different note, sparkling lime.....have a look at your slow cooker instructions and please report back, your may be different and I will be interested to know what it says!
Hello hello all! :D
Alisoncam, I know how you are feeling, slightly different circumstances, but the randomness of giving (and taking) of absent parent. I went through a phase of not wanting to give my daughter his letters which were random cards full of poems and ramblings, but I found the best thing to do is to keep out of it. Give your boy the present (if it comes), card (if he can manage that), you said yourself you son is not stupid, he has to learn for himself who his dad is and what he is all about.
You would be surprised how resiliant they are. I was surprised that sometimes I got excited myself if my ex had sent her something and big it up, saying how lovely that he managed to get something to her etc etc, only to see it was from the £1 shop or something, as she got older she saw this too. A couple of years ago she got a lot of vouchers and money (13yr old - difficult to buy for!!!), it was great she got £40 from one of my uncles £20 here and there, a couple of tenners, her dad sent her a £5 in a christmas card that he had written her name and put from Daddy. Tut, I could tell she was disappointed that he hadn't written more, that he had enclosed a very old fiver and basically hadn't really bothered very much at all. But she was much less upset than I had thought she would be. She knows what he is like and had learnt not to expect anything from him. I think/hope she feels strong in the family that she does have around her and he is just this annoying person that occassionally wants her attention, by writing some lovelorn letter about a daughter is a fathers greatest gift yadda yadda - he shoudl prove it.
:o Ooh alisoncam I guess that hit a nerve with me!! Anyway what I am trying to say is just let your son have whatever his dad has time to send/do. Your son will see how little it is, compared to what you do for him.
As for half family. How does it make you feel when she says that she spoke to him? Because it sounds like you support her (emotionally) quite a lot and that maybe she was trying to stir, or am I creating here??
Hey pansy
Brilliant news that all is well for your daughter in Scotland. What a relief for you to know that she gets on well with the girlfriend and nieces/nephews.
Sounds as if your ex is on best behaviour with new girlfriend.......Fingers crossed. Does your daughter have an escape plan??
I mean if he does go on a bender, is she able to get on a train and come home? Or have you discussed with her what she could do if she didn't feel safe or happy?
Hi sparklinglime
I feel quite honoured that you asked me about cooking turkey in the slow cooker! I won't be eating meat this Christmas and I don't own a slow cooker, so I am not really sure!!! However I thought Louise's idea was great - to cook the meat the night before, wrap in foil and warm up next day. I have a small rubbish oven with only 2 shelves, is that normal or do you have 3? And it takes ages to do anything!
I also think that you should have something to eat that you like too, I have an image of you just eating mash :cry:
Buffets are a great idea, alisoncam I think you should get some sliced turkey for yourself if thats what you want, even if your son just would like salad. This is your day too!
Lindsaygii, thank you for showing me those fridges. I have to say that £20 seems a lot less than £40, but I still feel that it will only get used a few times, waste of my hard earned cash!!
So now I am undecided whether to get it or not. I will let you know if I buckle or not!! :)
Hi Louise and Anna
Yes, I have been taking deep breaths, (but it's not helping). Anna, sorry if I've hit a nerve for you and your daughter!! I hate the mere mention of the sperm doner, and do everything out of a duty for my son of course. When he has visited twice, I have offered the b...... dinner for my son's sake, trying to pretend, that we can be friends, when all the while, I wish I could poison the b........
This woman has every right to ring him, but no right to act on my behalf, or to discuss my business. I'm angry that he should be told to send something. If it had been done off his own back, I would deal with it differently. You're right of course that I should hand it to my son, and comment on it in a positive way. I think I'm worried that the older my son gets, the more hurt he will be, if the cards aren't consistent, (and I know they won't be). I'm frightened that my son will feel rejected. When the subject comes up, and questions are asked, I constantly assure him that it isn't his fault that his father isn't around.
When my son saw him in June, he asked him for £10 for something, and the swine said no. Wouldn't you think, he would have bought him a packet of sweets or something? He hadn't seen him since 16 months before that!!! My son asked me if it was rude of him to ask T.... for the money, and I told him of course it wasn't, that this was his father, and just like he is able to ask me for stuff, he should be able to ask the same of his father.
It breaks my heart when my son says that when he is a Dad, even if he doesn't live with his children, he would ring them every night to say goodnight, visit every weekend, and buy them things.
Might go and try Claire Louise's yoga. ;)
Awww, bless him...
It's a difficult one.
I can see where she's coming from, yet stunned she feels she can achieve something here.
Loads and loads of hugs.
I'm not feeling too good today.
Hi Sparkling
What's up? Is it a cold, bug, or just generally not feeling good?
Take care ok
Alison
x :)
An almost cold... I keep having a sore throat, but so far it's listening to me when I tell it to go away :roll:
Hope you win the battle, sparkling lime. Just tell it to.... :twisted:
Hi all
I have now calmed down considerably, and taken all of your advise on board, (warmest thanks for that). I had a chat with my son last night, and asked him if it would make him happy if the father sent him something. His reply was, 'it wouldn't bother me, because I don't even think about him'. Yesterday, I have to say, I was questioning myself about my son and me, you know like, does he feel that he can't speak about the father for fear of making me cross or upset. I have always pointed out to him that he can always speak to me about anything, he can ask me if he wants to call the father, and I will do it for him. Anyhow, last night, we chatted, and I told him that if one year, (the pig) sent, and the next he didn't, then I would be upset for my son, and in turn, wouldn't want my son to be upset. My 7 year old said, 'don't worry, that's something I would expect from T....., and it wouldn't bother me either way'.
I'm glad we had the chat, and so, if something arrives, I shall pass it on with positive comments. Like you say Anna, my son knows and appreciates all that I do, and he is very aware of what the sperm doner does. Yesterday, I think I was having a wobbly, jealous, angry day.
Today, my son has his school friend round for tea. The father is in and out of her life, and it is distressing to see. (she does always get presents, cards etc consistently though). She is emotionally attached, whereas my son isn't, so we're so lucky in that respect.
Thanks all again, have a lovely day.
Take care
Alison
x :)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Glad you are feeling calmer today, alisoncam, it is not surprising you felt so stressed.
Are you going to take any further action about the other lady or will you let sleeping dogs lie?
Hi Louise
I have thought about this one too! I realise that she didn't want either child, (her daughter, my son) to get something from the sperm doner, without the other getting something. She doesn't feel it's fair, (and quite rightly of course) that he should maybe send one, and not the other. Until the other day, he didn't even know her address, he has never asked for it, and so she never bothered. Maybe, she was thinking that my son would get something, and because the sperm doner didn't know her addy, then........ I still wish that she hadn't said anything about my son. That is not her business or place to do so. (here I go again) :lol: :lol:
Have a good day Louise. Did you buy the boys what they wanted? Is it harder at their age?
Take care
Alison
x :)
hello :)
I hope you're doing ok... Sorry you've not got a job yet.
The important bit is the tinsel because it twinkles. And I think you can do it for £10. Get lots of bits, maybe. Wilkinsons had a few nice things.
Focus on the films and cuddling up watching them, and the laughter.
Loads of hugs Sy.
...yes and pound shops and charity shops. Sparkling is right, it is the quality of time they spend with you, especially at this age, sadsy, it will be harder when they are teens :shock:
How are you at the moment?
hello alisoncam
Yes I can uderstand where she was coming from. You are bieng very clear-headed! As for my boys, the eldest wants some money and the youngest is getting, amongst other things, some Rocky DVDs as he is mad keen on the gym (and tries to eat a raw egg before going, like Rocky....I had to teach him how to cook eggs and explain re salmonella :o )
I always think of you when Ben 10 comes on the TV. Have you managed to avoid eating the Christmas nibbles so far? ;)
Ohhhhhhh Louise, I opened a teachers present of chocs :lol: :lol:
My son gave some presents this morning, and told his main teacher what I had done.
The shame of the mother :o :o
I love Rocky, and always cry! Not sure about the raw eggs though :lol:
Ohhhhhhh Louise, I opened a teachers present of chocs :lol: :lol:
My son gave some presents this morning, and told his main teacher what I had done.
The shame of the mother :o :o
I love Rocky, and always cry! Not sure about the raw eggs though :lol:
Your son is brilliant Alison! Boy I needed a laugh (and I am writing my essay in between...)
xxxxxx
Hi Bec
It is obvious from your post that you are extremely upset, and I don't blame you at all. I think under the circumstances, you are doing really well, holding back your temper. I also think that you are doing a great job in protecting your son from not bad mouthing the father. I know only too well how hard that is, and I have to admit, I have ranted to my son 7 before. It is totally unfair, when after all the hard work is done, (baby, toddler stage) the father expects more contact etc.
You have been constant throughout your son's life, and as he gets older, he will realise and appreciate everything. Even at the age of 5, I'm sure he has some understanding of it.
As for correcting your son's belief of what his father tells him regarding the money, couldn't you maybe explain it, by saying that 'even though Daddy gives us money, I still have to pay for the food, clothes, and other things'. (maybe not in those words, but to that effect)
You are definately not useless Bec, its just your ex making you feel this way. I know how hard it is to stand up to him, and say no, but maybe you can practice a few times, and then confront him. If you did that, he would see you in a different light too. That he can't dictate to you, or bully you.
As for coming to your house for a few hours to see your son. Can you not say that is not convenient, and perhaps suggest that he go to a burger king or something, or to the park.
I know it is easier said than done Bec, but don't let this man bully you anymore. You are a lovely lady, a great Mum, and you don't deserve this.
Take care
Alison
:)
Hi,
When he's all grown up I'm sure he'll understand, so don't worry. It's easy to ply children with stuff, cupboard love my mum used to say. But it's the hands on day to day love that touches them most and deepest and what moulds them into who they become and they will know that when they get to our age and see the world with adult eyes..
At least I hope so : )
I have similar fears and worries and mine don't even see their mum at the moment.. : ) I just think what happens WHEN? and then I have a glass of wine and it all seems better... on Fridays at least, and today is Friday.. yippie!
Later, I have to go get the kids from school and buy some WINE!
Bubblegum, I think most of us have the same fears, especially when the absent parent isn't around. Some days, I torment myself with the thought that my son could secretly be wishing that he lived with his father. Mostly it's on the days when I'm yelling at him for something or another. It is terribly hard being both parents isn't it? I tell my son that even though I'm a softie deep down, there has to be some days where I'm a lot harder. To be honest, it seems lately the 'harder' days are more than the soft!!!!
Over the last few months, I feel that he doesn't give much respect. Its to be expected that they change when they start school, but jesus, no one told me how much :o I have tried ranting, punishment, ignoring. Do you have the same problem with your son, or do you think it might be different because you're a man?
Completely went off the subject there sorry.
Enjoy your wine!!! My friend will be here for our Friday afternoon wine. Then of course there will be rows between the two boys. I then pour more wine, haha.
Hi Bec
it's horrid that you feel so threatened by this and totally understandable how you feel.
I agree with alisoncam that you could tell your boy about the finances as she suggests, in a calm voice of course ( ;) ) The most infuriating thing is that it sounds as if all this will be a flash in the pan with his dad. Having said that, there is no reason, objectively, why he should not stay overnight with his dad as long as he is safe and happy although I have seen the siutation you describe several times ie parent suddenly reappears when child becomes "interesting"...but if it is something your son would like then it's all about gritting your teeth and letting it happen.
I would be inclined to lay down some ground rules such as "if you let him down then I will not be happy for you to continue to have him overnight" and also I think that if you are uncomfortable with having him at your house then you have the right to say so. Perhaps have someone with you at pick-up time?
it is also worth thinking about some assertiveness techniques to use when speaking to your son;s father, and if this is diffcult for you, one thing I often suggest is to write a letter, we could all help with this if you like
Please don't let this spoil your precious weekend
My ex would stroll happily into my house when he was bringing the children home (when he was having them to stay). There were issues however, and these came to a head when he started yelling at me in front of the children. It was close to my house and I hoped a neighbour would hear and come out - of course they didn't. My children were very distressed by that - and so was I.
My brother asked me if I'd watched The Indredibles - which I had. They use a bubble as protection. My brother told me to do the same, telling me my house was in a bubble, and ex was not to set foot in it again. I sent a text and a letter to tell him he was no longer welcome in my house.
The difficult bit was explaining this to the children - as they were used to him following them in. Generally, he didn't question it.
He did try it on one of the children's birthday with a "I will be calling in to see ***** and give him his present personally". I must have had a bit of courage that day, and said 'surely you mean may call in to see *****. As your father and step mother are calling, you can come with them, or not at all. I will phone your dad now'.
He's not come to the door since - but then it's ok me saying that, as he chooses not to see them.
I don't really know if you think something along those lines might help. I do know it would take courage to do it.
With the money, I agree with Alison, totally. I'd even chuck in well, it's very little really :roll: 8-) :D I do... 8-)
Friday afternoon wine
?... Slippery slope, slippery slope!
Over the last few months, I feel that he doesn't give much respect. Its to be expected that they change when they start school, but jesus, no one told me how much :o I have tried ranting, punishment, ignoring.
Mine changed when he started school full time, he lost the ability to speak properly, I'm still forever saying enunciate, enunciate boy, sorry, repeat please I don't understand and this time stop between words... thank you. Stuff like that.
But seriously, I do have more difficulty with my son than my daughter though, with behaviour and such, I do shout at him most, it's him who spends half his waking days on the stairs with his head in his hands looking sorry for himself, OK not all the time, not every day, but every few weeks he goes through a phase, or maybe it's me who knows but he seems to get told off or not told off but I find my self loosing my patience with him over his behaviour and he ends up sitting on the stairs looking all dejected being explained to that his behaviour is unacceptable.
But it's all very complicated isn't it! it's like a viscous circle where in he reacts to my being angry with a further display of behaviour to get more attention that is inappropriate, if that makes sense. I always end the day with a cuddle and telling him I love him and I sometimes suspect that we go through these sessions of him behaving me reprimanding just so he can have a cuddle at the end of the night.. I dunno, it's complicated isn't it!
I spoke to a friend of mine recently who is some sort of art therapist, I was talking about how more often than not in the morning before school my son inevitable ends up on the stairs being told off, she suggested that maybe it was his way of dealing with the step from home to school and leaving me for the day and his way of dealing with it was to get me angry so he felt justified in leaving me, as in like when you have an argument and walk off, like that but all in the mind of a seven year old, if that makes sense and it did when she explained it to me in woolly social worker babble : )
do you think it might be different because you're a man?
Nope : ) If it is different I expect it's different because we are different and our children are different : )
Probably.
later, I've finally been allowed to sit down and start on the wine.... my son is upstairs on his PC and my daughter is at the kitchen table not eating her dinner.. : )
It's having no answers that add to the frustration too.
I have so many, but over time you sort of accept that they'll never be answered. Git. 8-)
You're right, sparkling, one of the things that seems to affect people most is the WHY? of it all.
Bec, part of the way to cope is to accept that there are many answers you will never know, and to keep worrying about it will just wear you down. I know what you mean about other people, it is the same when anything major happens in life, like an illness or being left alone with a little one, people sympathise and offer to help for a while but they don't know the half of it. You are bound to be tired out with all the demands of the term that has just ended and this will make things look worse. Eventually the hate will fade into indifference and then you will know that you are "over" him. It just takes a heck of a long time, that's all.
I was in Borders with the children on Friday.
Very sad. My children and I love that shop, and have spent many happy hours over the years.
Excellent sale - just wasn't in a position to buy, unfortunately... 8-)