hello
I tend to go for the box rather than what's inside it too, it seems to have been the story of my life, I look back at a trail of beautiful women all with some sort of mental health 'issue'.
:)
At least that's how I see it...
That whole diving and teaching in South East Asia sounded nice...
Later.
Simon.
Six years ago (a lifetime now, I know) I was a respecfully ( :shock: ) married woman (19 years of marriage at that point) I lived in a four bedroom cottage/bungalow, quarter an acre of land, view of Snowdonia (which I still have), Chrysler Voyager (Limited edition, brand new that I worked a 17 hour week to pay for).
OK, no career, but I figured I was going to live there forever.
The children and I are happier now, in our housing association house (safe and secure). I find the benefits side difficult though - but perhaps that has a lot to do with the media.
Funny how you think you have life mapped out and sorted. You never know what can happen today to change all that.
Well lindsay gii that was 13 quid you won't have to spend again for a while, just go to the park!
I guess it all boils down to what we want out of life. Now I could say a butler and a swimming pool, but actually what I want is for me and my kids to be healthy and happy. Some of that happiness might stem from having a bit more money ( ;) ) but there you go. It's good to be open to new experiences and, as Claire-Louise says, what is round the corner might just be wonderful!
Hi all
Claire Louise said:
I am most concerned about you feeling bullied by your ex and letting him visit in your house
I agree with Claire Louise. Bec you need to find some more support from your local services. It is such a horrible place to be, intimidated and manipulated to do things that you don't want. It makes you feel vulnerable and powerless.
I strongly recommend that you contact your local Womens Aid, go back to counselling. You need to get strong. It will take time, but it will be worth it. If you are going to have to deal with this bully for the next 10/15 years, then you need to learn tactics and strengths for it not to affect you emotionally every time. It will be hard, but it is possible.
Your son will see things for what they really are, as long as you are honest with him. He is still young, but he knows that his dad makes you feel uncomfortable, they seem to have a sixth sense for this! Be open with him, because if you don't he will learn to keep emotions hidden away and see that to behave like dad is a better alternative as he seems more 'in control'. Like I say he is still young and he has you day to day, just keep your relationship alive and real.
Please contact local support agencies and come back and tell us how you got on.
Hi all
No surprise here, but my son's half sister's Mum told me last night that they shan't be visiting next week after all. (they were due down on the Sunday til the Tuesday)
I am relieved, because of different circumstances, but I am also a bit cross. I knew from the moment she said they were coming, that she wouldn't. I went all out in August to visit them. I had to take a loan out and stuff, but I wanted the children to meet each other. At one point when I said I couldn't afford it, she (the mum) told me I would be letting the kids down, and it wouldn't have been fair!!!
As I had an idea that she wouldn't be coming to see us, I have been mentioning it to my son, saying, 'don't be too disappointed if they don't come' etc etc. Last night I told him, and he just said, 'well, I'm not surprised. You were right'.
I am more angry, I think, over the fact that now, I have a blinking box of stuff that will have to be posted, which of course is money that I could have been spent on something else :evil:
Sometimes I think, why the hell do I bother. Why is it my son who is always let down, and I bent over backwards to make sure the kids weren't disappointed in the summer. I know, I know what you are all going to say. I did it for my son, (which of course is true) Oh well, another little rant over hehehe.
Chrysler Voyager sounds nice. Bet it cost a fortune to run, though, eh?
I think what we all have to hold onto, is that we have the kids. Yeah, they're what make us skint, tired, and trapped. And yeah, we liked our lives before. But the past has gone, hasn't it? Now, as it is, there are two choices - to be the one with the kids, or the one without. And I don't suppose any of us would actually swap those little sods - I mean darlings - for the fast cars, or drugs, or houses, or whatever, that our ex-partners have.
On the outside their lives might look better, but on the inside, we know that we won, really, didn't we?
I took little darling to the zoo today. Thirteen quid. He liked the ducks. Yeah, like the ones they have in the park. In. The. Park. :evil:
Yes it did. But in those days I was able to save up for the service. I used to do 32,000 miles a year, and the children and I have many great memories of brilliant days out in it. I don't think it's a car I'd recommend if you had one or two children, but with four it was ideal - long wheel base so you can get the shopping in, of course... :roll:
Hi all
No surprise here, but my son's half sister's Mum told me last night that they shan't be visiting next week after all. (they were due down on the Sunday til the Tuesday)
I am relieved, because of different circumstances, but I am also a bit cross. I knew from the moment she said they were coming, that she wouldn't. I went all out in August to visit them. I had to take a loan out and stuff, but I wanted the children to meet each other. At one point when I said I couldn't afford it, she (the mum) told me I would be letting the kids down, and it wouldn't have been fair!!!
As I had an idea that she wouldn't be coming to see us, I have been mentioning it to my son, saying, 'don't be too disappointed if they don't come' etc etc. Last night I told him, and he just said, 'well, I'm not surprised. You were right'.
I am more angry, I think, over the fact that now, I have a blinking box of stuff that will have to be posted, which of course is money that I could have been spent on something else :evil:
Sometimes I think, why the hell do I bother. Why is it my son who is always let down, and I bent over backwards to make sure the kids weren't disappointed in the summer. I know, I know what you are all going to say. I did it for my son, (which of course is true) Oh well, another little rant over hehehe.
Oh gosh. How disappointing :roll: 8-)
Personally, I wouldn't post the box. I'd just post some of the lighter gifts. If she's offended, does it matter? I know I won't be sending out gifts this year, and I'm hoping people will understand...
Hi Sparkling
Just wanted to let you know I shall be thinking of you tomorrow. I know you are going through an emotional time right now. Think of all the wonderful memories that you have of your Mum,
Take care
Alison and C.......
x :)
Hi Sparkling
Just wanted to let you know I shall be thinking of you tomorrow. I know you are going through an emotional time right now. Think of all the wonderful memories that you have of your Mum,
Take care
Alison and C.......
x :)
Thank you.
I'm already crying!!
My friend is hopefully calling in the morning. She and I shut our selves in the kitchen when everyone came back to my mum's house after the funeral. We just made pots of tea and sandwiches. Amazing how much people can eat and drink at such a time... I just couldn't face them.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello dear sparkling lime
Just to say that I am thinking of you, too, I am glad you have a friend coming over and can chat over some of your memories together. I know one thing you have said in the past is that you wish your Mum could see your lovely children now but you know what? I think she can!
Take care
Hi alisoncam
HUMPH! I would be soooo cross about this :twisted: , you did well to prepare your son. Your experiences of this woman have NOT been good lately and I am wondering if you are changing your view of her in general. Don't go to a load of expense sending Christmas gifts!!!!! Do look at the positive as well, you admit you are relieved in one way, so try to concentrate on that. You did your bit, if she chooses not to do hers then so be it. You never know, she could be rather shame-faced about the recent incident with the children's dad..........Anyway what matters is that you and your son have a fab time, with or without them :D
Hi lindsay
Yes, they do live quite a way, on the coach, which my son and i took, it was four hours, plus a bus ride for an hour, then half hour to get to the house!!!
In a car, which she has, it takes 2 and half hours from door to door.
Now, the box. Yes, I do honestly think you are right. Of course I haven't bought to receive, but the postage is way tooooooo much, so I shall have another rummage and remove stuff. The rest can wait until after the hols ;)
Hope your little boy is ok, and that you're both looking forward to christmas, (though of course he hasn't a clue at the moment). Bet, he loves all the twinkly lights eh! Uhmmm, bet he could get into all sorts of mischief there :lol:
Oh Alison, what a pain in the arse. Are they miles and miles away, then? You know if you post that box, you aren't getting anything in return, don't you? Sigh.
Hi Louise
The experiences haven't been good, and there is so much more that I couldn't write about on these posts!!!! I've felt like I've knocked myself silly over the past months, some people maybe look for help, but don't actually want it, (if you know what I mean).
You never know, she could be rather shame-faced about the recent incident with the children's dad..........
I wish I could say that this is the case, but I know it isn't.
No matter how low I feel about Christmas right now, my son and I will have a fantastic day, just like last year. When he talks about Christmas, his little face lights up, and that puts everything into perspective. Ooohhh, he's a blinking pain at times, but he brightens my darkest days.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Oh well, alisoncam, maybe I was being a bit too charitable about her, you know the true situation much better than me.
As for your son's face lighting up, just think if we could bottle that joy and excitement, Alison, we would become millionaires!
Hi Sparkling
I'm already crying!!
Sending you hugs, (tissues wouldn't arrive in time)!!
I hope your friend comes, and you have a nice time with her.
Take care
Alison
x :)
I've just texted her. She's doing some work up the road and then intends calling in.
Thing is her she's off to her sister's tomorrow in London - and sadly, she's having chemotherapy. I have a bit of a cold, and the eldest and youngest are full of it. Somehow I don't think she will really be able to call.
I think she's stand on the path and I'll speak to her from the door! :lol:
My neighbour's daughter-in-law has come over to take her Christmas shopping. She should have been here on Sunday, but didn't arrive til yesterday evening.
I'm glad she's having a trip out with someone other than me.
Hi Sparkling
Some days, things never seem to go right do they? You're right of course about the chemo, and colds etc. My sister is having to be so careful at the moment.
How are the boys doing? Hopefully, they will be as right as rain by next week!
Whether the friend does get to call or not, you will still be able to think of the lovely memories.
Take care
Alison
x :)
I bet the boys will be fine by next week - getting a bit worried about me though!! :lol:
Thanks Alison, it means a lot you caring.
xxx
She called while I was on the school run! Typical. We did have a good chat though, and as she said she wouldn't have come in with the children having colds (I've stopped coughing again now).
Youngest isn't too good. I really don't think he'll be making it to the Panto with the school tomorrow, he's wheezing, and I'm not feeling too happy about him being 35 miles away from me should he have a bad attack.
He's dozed up with ventolin, calpol, vitamin tablets, tangerines (for the vitamin C :roll: ) and cough medicine.
They saw The Git this evening. Only comment, it seems was telling youngest he had a bad cough :shock:
Oh dear, sparkling lime, I hope he doesn't catch their cold.........................
How are all the troops this morning?
Hi all
OMG, flakes of snow today! Its freezing, and I hate it :evil: My son's little school friend is here today. Her Mum rang me first thing to see if I could look after her as she's not too well, and the Mother has to work. (single parent). After the call, my son asked what N.... wanted. Had to tell him a white fib, or else he might have wanted to stay off school too!!! I told him that she was having problems with her computer and wanted to know if I knew anyone that could look at it for her. His answer was 'well, I could look at it'. :lol: Think the little devil knew what was really going on, as he announced that L..... was coughing a lot at school yesterday and wondered if she'd be there today!!!
She is at the moment snuggling under his duvet watching tv, (much quieter than my son) Perhaps I could swap :lol: :lol: :lol:
Keep warm everyone.
Take care
Alison
x :)
At least the legal aid is coming through...
I hope you do have a good weekend with the children. No comment about Louise, she does nothing but shock me.
The winning bidder for my renault on ebay turned out to be a git and a non-payer. I'm lending money of my children at the mo 8-) All the bills seem to have come in at the wrong time.
CAB - get letters out to those you need to. Keep them informed of what's going on.
It's disgusting that things are taking so long to sort with the Job Seekers Allowance. No compassion.
Sorry sadsy. I did buy a lottery ticket last week, but seems it's just a waste of £1.
Hope Christmas plans are tootling along ok.
Loads of hugs
Hi sadsy
Good to hear from you, glad trhe legal aid is coming through but everything seems to take so LONG! Have you had to attend that seminar yet, the one where they tell you about your responsibility on JSA, to apply for jobs. What jobs? Where? :(
I agree with sparkling, better to get those letters off about the bills you can't pay.
So you have the kids this weekend? Hope you have a nice time, you can make your own Christmas.
Hi Sadsy
Have a wonderful weekend with the children. Are you making it a Christmas for them, or are you seeing them just after?
Take care, lovely to hear from you
Alison
x :)
What a relief about the mortgage!!!! At least it gives you a breathing space. Let's hope it does indeed mean the tide has turned
You can have your Christmas with the children afterwards, they will love it. Not half as much as you love the Internet radio ;)
Hmm your car, well you know my Scenic went to the garage in the sky during the summer, went back to a Rover this time.
That radio sounds brilliant!
Do you know Sy, the children won't give a monkeys. You'll give them a very happy Christmas whatever. I find that's the bit that matters is the laughter and randomness. There's the memories, I think gifts just get forgotten so quickly.
As awful as it sounds, there could be less pressure on you too, as Santa, ahem, called elsewhere on Christmas day... 8-)
I'm sorry for swearing - but it could well turn into stars! Bloody Renaults. As you know, mine has broken me financially.
At A&L being sods????!!!!! You think they'd understand by now that it's a difficult situation. I'm so glad the MP and DWP got the mortgage payment through - a bit of pressure off, even if A&L aren't happy.
I hope you're doing ok. Always look for an update from you.
We keep having polystyrene ball snow falling from the sky. :D Not settling, which is fine as I have to take the children for a haircut after school. We're all full of cold though, so I'll make them stay in the car until it's their turn - so long as I can park outside the shop.
Hi all
I have the most amazing friends! I have been looking after my son's friend for a few days. Today, it was snowing, and the kids stayed off school, so I had the little girl again. Her Mum needed to xmas shop. She came back with a box, and presented it to me, saying it was from her and another Mum at the school. It was a pair of trainers for me :o I have been going around in a pair of cracked trainers, that my feet have been getting drenched in, and these wonderful people bought me some new ones. I have been so tearful, and stuck for words. They said, they have seen me struggle to get my son's xmas presents, week after week, and they wanted to do this for me.
How lovely is this? I cannot believe this has happened, and I am so so happy.
Wow Alisoncam, you so deserve a nice surprise like that. I expect the girl's mum is really grateful for you looking after her daughter and was delighted to give you a prezzy. What a lovely thing to happen! :D
Hi Alison
That's lovely. :)
I'd love a camper van
sparkling lime
How' s your cold? did you administer the Ribena?
Hi Bec
Yep, the trainers certainly have put a spring in my step!! Kept my feet dry too :)
Days later, and I'm still very much touched by their kindness.
How are you doing? I bet your son is getting really excited now isn't he? I have presents around the tree, and my son keeps shifting them around, shaking them, re-organising again, and again :lol:
Hope you are well, and you have a fantastic Christmas. Well done by the way for surviving all the school stuff. Not long to go before you qualify. YIPEE. Have a good rest this holiday.
Take care
Alison
x :)
I don't know, Bec, I really don't know. Fourteen months ago I was very well off, a professional person with my own flat, a sexy boyfriend and a terrific plan to sit out the recession by leaving the country and spending a couple of years abroad teaching and diving in South East Asia.
Now I'm living on the dole, my life savings have been run into the ground by being forced to sell at an enormous loss, and the sexy bf turns out to have been the worst mistake I ever made in my entire life. I spend most of my time fighting the CSA and the rest of it stressing about money. Oh yeah, and my relationship with my family has been brought to the brink of ruin and will take years to rebuild, if we ever manage it.
And on top of all that I get to listen to commentators on the media referring to single parenthood as a 'career choice'. Apparently it would be illegal to kill them for saying that. Which hardly seems fair.