hello
Hello all
alisoncam, you sound like such a rock for so many people, I am glad that we are here for you, your support on these online groups to others is fantastic, you deserve a medal!
Your post about Jaws made me laugh, as over the years films that I thought my daughter would find scary, she SO hasn't, we watched Jaws a couple of Christmases ago, she didn't see what the fuss was about!! I think because modern films are so much more realistic, that our old favourites, seem a bit rubbish to them!
How is your son's half sisters mum doing? Any news? I think when we are in trouble with anything official we need to reach out to all the places we can. You wrote that she said she was going to 'wait' and I felt that you definitely need to keep looking after yourself, because you can bend over backwards trying to help people, but they HAVE to do it themselves. (And it is SO frustrating when they don't!)
sadsy, what is going on with you? On Thursday you wrote that there are many awful things going on at the moment. do you want to share?
Pansy, sparklinglime and Louise, I hope you are well? :)
Hi all
You all deserve happy time. Pansy, really pleased all is going ok with BF.
Sadsy, hope things work out for you for the half term week. You're a dad that sooooo deserves to spend more time with the children :)
Anna, I think this group has certainly been a saviour for me. If I can help even one person, then that makes me happy. I'm lucky to be in a position at the moment to keep popping on during the day. It keeps my brain active! :lol:
My son's half sisters mum, uhmmmmmmmm. I think I have offered her every bit of support going. She is still sitting on things!!!!! Do you ever feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall, :lol: :lol: :lol:
This morning was just another day for me, then my son came out with his tooth out, (don't panic, it was ready to fall out) Tooth fairy to pay another visit. :o
His parcel finally arrived from Ireland, (birthday was 5th Sept). It was delivered, but returned back to Ireland. He was absolutely delighted with the contents. Just received a text saying my niece had a baby boy today. She already has a girl of nearly 3.
Hope everyone is ok, and hopefully a good week ahead.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hello one and all
There seems to be plenty going on!
Well done re the gym Pansy! that will make you feel better in yourself to cope with whatever comes. What a shame that your daughter has been so upset by her dad's visit, I am glad she is getting the help she needs. You also seem to be sorting things out for the other two. Hooray!
Sadsy you have sooooo much admin, it must seem a real mountain at times for you. That's a pain if there is going to be a forced sale. Is it that Louise can get some equity out of the house? Glad you sorted Council Tax and mortgage people and that this week is not such a downer, despite the latest upheaval about your parenting time. I agree, it seems fair to have them half the time each. Hope the car repair isn't too expensive :shock:
Alisoncam, you are right, you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink ;) If you try to help people, either personally or professionally, then it is one of the most frustrating things that people DON'T take action. Emotionally it is often that they cannot face the enormity of it, so I understand where they are coming from but of course things are rarely solved by inaction. I guess it would be great if we could all take a lesson and be really active when it is OUR turn to have a crisis? Hope the tooth fairy remembered to call and congrats on your new great-nephew (Hey, does't that sound fab, Great Aunt Alison? :D )
Hi Louise
Definately not good, Great Aunt Alison. None of them call me Auntie!!! Tooth fairy made the visit, buttttttttt. My son proudly announces that if it is the first tooth to come out at school, the children told him yesterday, that 'she' leaves more money. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTT. Ok, maybe I'm completely gullible, but the tooth fairy left him £2. All in all, my darling son had £1 pocket money, (for tidying his room), plus 50p from me for the tooth, then £2 from the tooth fairy. Another tooth is also very wobbly, but I explained this morning, that the tooth fairy couldn't possibly afford anymore than a £1 for that one. No way could she pay out for the same child's tooth within two weeks of each other, because she wouldn't be able to give to the other children. (Think he brought that one, and hopefully, he'll pass that on to the kids in class)!
So, now I'm going to raid the penny jar :lol: :lol:
Take care all, and have a lovely day.
Alison
x :)
Hello sadsy,
Precarious times. There are so many decisions to make and un-make, aren't there? So you feel that this might be your month? Hope so!
Hi alisoncam
One of my sons once lost a baby tooth on the field, he was worried that the tooth fairy wouldn't leave him any money as he didn't have the actual tooth. I convinced him that every time a child loses a baby tooth, the fairy's computer bips and she knows that she must visit the child that night. He wrote her a letter anyway, just to make sure he got the 50p (that's inflation for you! ;) )
Over the last few days, I have posted but it seems no one could get on, except Claire- louise and myself. Somehow the posts seem to have gone 'missing'. Please confirm that I am not going do-lally.
I hope everyone is ok, and having a good week.
Take care
Alison
x :)
No, alisoncam, you are NOT going do-lally! :shock: I couldn't get on from Friday and finally got on Tuesday night when they fixed it. I have put an announcement about it at the bottom of the topics board.
Access to the site appears to have been fixed but the board went back to how it was on Friday morning. So, therefore, weekend posts are not there. I have said in my announcement that it would be great if any introductions/news were re-posted :)
How did your son's assembly go? Hope you had a good weekend. Any more news about your sister?
Hi Louise
My son's assembly was brilliant thankyou. Had trouble at the school on Monday with the same boy!!!! Spoke to, and wrote to the Head teacher. She wasn't very welcoming to me on the phone Monday afternoon, but Tuesday morning, she seemed much more accomodating! I have open evening after school today, so I shall wait and see.
My sister is doing much better thankyou. She is now able to eat, now the thrush has gone. No results or anything yet, so she is very much on tenderhooks. I speak to her everyday.
Glad to have you back :)
Take care
Alison
x
Hi Louise - as mean as it sounds, I'm glad I wasn't the only one who couldnt' log on to the site.
Sorry your son's had more problems with the vile child at school Alison. Glad your sister is doing ok - it's lovely you have each other.
I know what you mean, sparkling lime, I was getting a bit paranoid that it might just be me!
Glad the assembly went well, alisoncam, good luck for open night. Great news about your sister, hope she soon gets some news. Get as much rest as you can, so you can be strong for her
Hi C-L
If I remember rightly you were going to do a beauty forum!!!! That came about because of the hair dye I bought to touch up the grey, and it didn't make much difference :lol: :lol:
My other post was for the bullying at school section, where I will go over to now and give a brief outline of it, plus report on open evening.
Quick follow me!!!!!
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi again
My sister has called me. She went to the hospital today for results, (telling no-one). She has to have chemo, there are cancerous cells in lymph nodes. We talked about the chemo, which won't start for a few weeks as she has just had surgery. She sounds very up, so I don't know if this news will hit her in the next few days. Possibly when it has all sunk in. I'm being positive about it all, telling her that even though cancer cells are present, it doesn't mean doom and gloom. We had a laugh, which I always thinks helps. I know it helps me to hear her laugh. She has put on a bit of weight which is great.
Will keep you all posted. So glad One Space is back to normal, now I don't feel so alone.
Sparkling, thankyou for the support you've given me over the last few days, and for the company!
Take care all
Alison
x :)
Hi alisoncam, well at least the waiting for results is over. Chemo can vary so much for different cancers so she will get the info from the hospital about how much and how often. It may be a hard road for her so it is good she has you to support her. Has she had a look at the McMillan site? http://www.macmillan.org.uk/Home.aspx?gclid=CIXt3O_izp0CFdBb4wodlA1OsA They have a great Helpline too, 0808 808 00 00. it doesn't say what the opening hours are but they are there for patients and theis friends and family, so they may also be of some suppoty to you, personally.
Take care of yourself in all this.... :)
Hi Louise
Thanks for the site. My sister does have a mcmillian nurse, so she has the support if she needs it from them. Her husband spends a lot of time searching the net, but my sister doesn't like doing that. She prefers to hear it straight from the doctors. I have to say that I like to do research on any health probs that I have.
She did say today that she has the highest grade cancer. I'm sure she said C.
Hope you're having a good evening
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi
I've just looked my sister's stage up, and it doesn't look good.
About half those diagnosed with C will live at least 5 years after surgery. Jesus, I wish I hadn't looked. It's a shock for me really.
I am off now to snuggle up to my son and tell him I love him over and over.
I wish you all a peaceful evening.
Take care
Alison
x :)
I'm sorry.
So sorry.
Loads of hugs Alison.
xxx
Hi Sparkling
5.30 am, and i'm sat here looking it all up! Had a very bad night, sleepwise. I think sometimes it is worse to look things up via the net, as you don't always get the correct info, and each person is different. Obviously I mean issues on health, not general info. Its natural instinct though isn't it to search for answers?
Might catch you around today. Hope your son is feeling better. How are you?
Take care
Alison
x :)
I don't think I would be able to 'not' look things up either.
Youngest is still home. He's not brilliant. There's thankgiving in schoold today. While it's his last one as he's in Year 6, the parents can't go this time, so I'm not missing anything (selfish!). He wouldn't be doing much today. Swimming tomorrow afternoon, so he's not going to be missing much then either.
I've emailed the school to ask for homework to be sent home with a neighbour's son.
He's still having Ventolin, so I need to keep him ok. Surgery next week!
Seasonal crafts this afternoon, then Scouts... Tomorrow is quiet, so far!!
xxx
Hello alisoncam
I don't blame you for looking it up on the Net, I would do the same. However, sometimes you can wish you hadn't! The troubler with statistics is that no-one knows where they fall on the spectrum. So people can win the Lottery against massive odds and other people can have 99% chance of something and it never happens. So, in that sense, stats are not much use :(
Also, it is important to be guided by the patient. Some people want to know the far end of everything, others cope better pretending it isn't happening. This can be VERY hard for loved ones. When my dad had cancer, he didn't want to face it and only agreed to take more than paracetamol three days before he died!In the meantime my poor Mum was nursing him and having to pretend nothing was going on. So let your sister take things at her pace and just be there to support her through the chemo and take it as it comes. The Helpline I gave you may be useful for you to use if you need to talk to someone, although of course we are all here for you as well.
Lots of hugs
Hello sparkling lime
You sound busy (as usual!) Glad your boy is going on OK. Is it USA Thanksgiving they are celebrating? Do you like them celebrating festivals from a variety of cultures (Diwali etc)? I think it is great for children to learn about all the different festivals and cultures in the world, and indeed in this country too, as long as they keep a sense of their own traditions(but my kids always thought they could get the best of all worlds by celebrating everything!)
Thanks for the update Sy.
Been wondering how things are going.
I have a recorder to tape ex's phone calls too. He was told in a mediation session I'd be doing this.
It's Luke and Arwen's right to see you, not her place to choose.
Loads of hugs.
Hello sparkling lime
You sound busy (as usual!) Glad your boy is going on OK. Is it USA Thanksgiving they are celebrating? Do you like them celebrating festivals from a variety of cultures (Diwali etc)? I think it is great for children to learn about all the different festivals and cultures in the world, and indeed in this country too, as long as they keep a sense of their own traditions(but my kids always thought they could get the best of all worlds by celebrating everything!)
It's a Welsh tradition (Diolch Garwch - diolch is thanks, but I can't find a translation for the Garwch bit!).
We're doing the different festivals from a variety of cultures with the Cubs and Scouts - it's quite fascinating.
Hi Sadsy
It's lovely to hear from you again. You've certainly been busy. Fingers crossed that she will change her mind about the kids and half term. Its awful to use little ones like this. Don't forget to take some 'me' time in all of this. Good to hear that it's going ok with the GF. How old are her children?
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi all
I have had a very busy day, sorting out every room in the flat! Needed to do something to keep my mind occupied, so it's ended up in a complete mess, as I went from room to room, and never finished what I was really doing! I shifted a wardrobe, and hurt my arm, (that'll teach me).
I am emotionally and physically drained with everything, big or small, in my life right now. Didn't get much sleep last night, up at 5am, so am struggling to keep eyes open. Just had a relaxing bath thinking that might refresh me, but it's done the opposite :lol:
My son was off school today with tummy pains. Got a letter from hospital moving his appointment forward. A whole week, wow!
I hope you are all ok, and enjoying your day
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hello everyone
Alison cam: Sorry you're so exhausted, it is not surprising that you're not sleeping well with everything on your mind. Don't be afraid to taek a power nap to top you up!
Sparkling lime, oh I didn't know about that Welsh tradition, how interesting. Hope Scouts goes Ok tonight :D
Sadsy, good to hear from you. The legal stuff sounds sooooo annoying :x and I am sad to hear that Luke is not coming for half term. let's hope the court's decisions are sensible ones. Your Mum's offer bears thinking about but don't forget that any "assets" you have will be taken into consideration when the finances are divvied up and I am sure you don't want Louise to get any of it. You need to get legal advice (again) about that.
Claire-Louise I think beauty products is a great idea and also if people use natural stuff such as honey facepacks etc. I see you have started the new topic in General Interest. Hope everyone will contribute.You mentioned Yoga before. Do you do yoga yourself?
Good wishes to all
Louise
Hi Pansy
Lovely to see you back here! I also had to laugh at what your ex is planning to do, regarding gathering evidence! I'm guessing he would have to have blood tests randomly, or provide witnessess maybe?
It's such a shame for the kids that he won't be seeing them until next year. How's the gym going? You're very good keeping that up. I would have flagged the first day :lol:
Hope you have a good weekend. Any plans to see the Bf, (if you're still seeing him that is) ;)
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi Pansy
Ikea!!!!!!!! Well, he sounds romantic :lol:
Enjoy the peace and quiet next weekend, and have a lovely time with Bf. I'm trying to think who could give me 'free' time :lol:
Have made arrangements to meet up with different friends from school, so hopefully my son will be kept occupied. Have promised to take him to Burger King on Monday. (that is a real treat for him).
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi Pansy
Nice to see you. You sound busy. Don't go getting carried away at Ikea!
It is sad for the children to have to face soming to tterms with what has happened with their dad, but you gave him every chance and you can't put them at risk
Re your friend that does not remember their password, from the main online group page, where it shows peoples' birthdays and the last post, instead of logging in there, above the log in boxes there are two words: Login and Register. if you click Login and put your user name you can then click forgotten password and you will get an email about it
Hi all
End of a not so perfect week! Friend came round, and smashed a glass. Something in the kitchen 'tripped' the electic. Tracked it down to the extractor fan, (not got a clue how to do that). I am now going to bed, and hopefully start afresh tomorrow.
Hope everyone else is having a good time!!!! Good news is, my friend has offered to give me a break on Monday afternoon, and offered to take my son out. Can't be bad for a broken glass eh!
Have a lovely weekend everyone
Take care, goodnight
Alison
x :)
Hi Sadsy
Playing up to ex and the recording of calls, would be something that I would do also I have to say, but be careful that you don't antagonise her further.
I am sure that reducing contact with the children will have a hell of an effect on them. You have played a major role in their lives, and I'm sure Luke will give her merry hell over it! She definately is doing things to upset you, but in the process she is damaging the children. (sorry, had to say that).
It must be terribly painful for you right now, but I know you won't give up. Stay strong Sadsy, and keep on fighting back.
Hugs for you
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi sadsy
Re your water bill, if your supply comes via South East Water then look at this link:
http://www.southeastwater.co.uk/pls/apex/f?p=101:problemspaying:0
If your water comes from Mid-Kent then look at http://www.eosfoundation.org.uk
That's awful that you are still being recorded. I would be tempted to say all sorts if it was me :o
Mortgages are only paid after a certain number of weeks delay. The mortgage company must be used to this situation with so many redundancies around.
Hi alisoncam
How are things today? I hope you will get the extractor fan sorted out. That's nice that your son will have an outing on Monday and you will get a little peace and quiet!
Hi Louise
I feel so much better today thankyou. I have had a really draining week, and it all caught up with me. I wasn't feeling too good on Thursday and yesterday, but today, I seem to be clearer in my head, if that makes sense.
How has your week been? Have you any plans for the half term? I hope you are ok.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi Sadsy
Get ready to hate me. Or maybe just don’t read it at all.
I’m also on reading avoidance, so this could well be a long one.
I’m afraid I’ve been dwelling on your posts since Thursday and was quite at a loss at what to say. After a run in now regarding something over Scouts, I figure I need to write down some bits here – as I’m feeling in a ‘direct’ mood.
These are just my view points, and I’m sorry if some are hurtful. I’m not out to upset you Sy. I’m trying to think of Luke and Arwen in my replies.
My son has Aspurger’s, as you know. I know how his head deals with things, which, I’m sure is totally different to Luke. However, some of what I say is based on how my son would deal with things.
I really do send you loads of hugs with work. Any chance you could set up your own business? I really do hope that a job you will enjoy soon comes your way.
I hope the financial advisor has been able to come up with some help and workable solutions with the house. I can appreciate how horrid a situation that is. I’m sure if your mum does help that there are ways to protect her share of the asset.
Your ex. While you are quite right in telling her that you’re not happy that she hit Luke (and I wouldn’t be if The Git hit my lot), she is not breaking any law. A parent can hit their child in England and Wales – within reason though, of course.
She has informed you that she’s recording the calls – I did with my ex. I also told all my family and friends too, but only kept calls by ex. I had reason to do this as he would deny he’d made phone calls and previously arranged contact. Like it or not, Louise may feel she has reasons to do this. I doubt too that ofcom will be able to help.
I love your comments to Paul!!
This bit I’ve said before, so sorry to be repeating myself.
Please don’t question Luke about what is going on.
The way I see it, he really doesn’t need to know that the phone calls are being recorded.
He is a child. He does not need to know what his mother is doing here – it is between you and Louise.
Playing one parent against the other is abuse. She is abusing Luke, in my opinion, by saying “until Simon learns to behave…” That’s disgrace. You, however, need to bite your tongue. I’m sure Luke is finding things very confusing without being drawn into arguments over contact. I feel really sorry for him, as I know how confused my son would get with things.
A social worker was incredibly helpful when I spoke to him in a child abuse course I went on with the housing group I volunteered with. He pointed out that when I contradicted something ex had said to the children, even though I thought I was trying to sort out issues they were being confused about (ex has very extreme religious beliefs) I was actually abusing them as much as he was. I was really shocked. Since then, I just say ‘oh’ or I shut up. It just tears a child up into shreds, and the way he explained things to me did make such a difference. Ok, it means the ex “wins” with things – which means, if you like, that I have to accept he still has control over me. Can’t get away from that one, so accepting it means I get less stressed – blips accepted, of course!
In my opinion your ex is totally out of order with regards to the holidays. It’s a disgrace!
Yes, I can understand how 90% of father’s loose touch with their children. There are some ultra-extremely unfair mothers. However, I should imagine a number of those fathers do choose to walk away anyway. Things are changing – thank goodness - where the father does get more contact or residence. I still think this is something that you could be aiming for, as you are a brilliant father. I do know a number of lone-parents locally, and I think I’m the only one who has issues, so 90% is successful here, I guess. Two have shared residence which works really well. The child has two homes and deals with it ok.
I’m sorry things are feeling so hopeless. It’s such a horrid place to be. I hope you did get to badminton on Friday – you were enjoying that. I bet Rose is looking gorgeously cuddly!
It’s going to be a long two weeks before the Court. I hope that goes well and CAFCASS are positive with you. You have a lot of things to put forward, and I really do hope that you have a fair and sympathetic meeting with CAFCASS. It’s the children’s right to contact. Focus on that…
Glad the romance is going well. I love Ikea, nothing wrong with that as a date!!
Money – be frugal!
Hugs
xxxx
Hi Sadsy
You have probably posted this already somewhere, but have you got the children next weekend, or has that been stopped too?
It is very hard to bite your tongue in front of kids, and after reading what Sparkling had to say in her post, I will definately take that on board. I would never have realised that it was abuse, (so thanks Sparkling for pointing that out). My son's half sisters mum has a lot of problems, and only last week, I was telling her that her two older children (teens) shouldn't have to know some of what she is telling them. Her son has just been diagnosed with depression, and he told the doctor that he has tried to be a shoulder for his Mum, but it has got too much for him over the years to handle.
This morning, I myself have got in such a state over this phone business that i've told my son that I am worried sick. Money problems are my problems not his, and yet, I have now burdened him with this. I could have kicked myself afterward of course, so now I'm telling him that I will sort it, like I always do.
Sorry, Sadsy, I've gone completely off track here.
I am sure you will manage to sort things out.
As I said before, stay strong.
Take care, sending hugs for you
Alison
x :)
Sparkling lime thank you so much for sharing your experiences,it is so hard for parents to NOT confide in their kids when things happen, partly because there is often no other adult to tell about it and partly because when you are in a hurt and worried place you can feel angry that the child still seems to love that other parent, that person whose behaviour is a disgrace. I remember that feeling so well; it is something that cuts to the very core of me.
Sadsy do not give up. I agree that the "system" can seem very weighted against dads but the children need you and the worse you believe Louise to be, the more they need you
Alisoncam I am sorry to hear you have been so worried. I have replied to you on the Money section. For anyone who is worried about debt don't forget there is a Money section on the Boards about to happen. Also you can always phone National Debtline...see http://www.nationaldebtlineuk.com/?gclid=CN-7hK_E2J0CFQdl4wodh09gsg
As for half term, I am busier than ever :( Hope you can have some nice times
hi alisoncam
we're all delighted that the news seems better than expected for your sister. Glad the support everyone has given has been helpful, that's what we're here for!