hello
It sounds to me as if you handled the appointment very well, not easy when you are feeling under that pressure. That was especially astute about the journey.
What are you going to do with the seashells in the bathroom? On the windowsill? On the wall?
Hi there sadsy
Looking back at your posts the hurt and pain and grief of your relationship breakdown hits you hard i know i have been there it hurts like hell all your dreams and plans up in smoke and kids upset. My ex living and marrying someone new its mad.
But you will get through it its a long hard slog and you have to fight tooth and nail and never give up grit ya teeth and remember tomorrows another day. You really do find out how strong you really are i am two and a half years down the line loving what i am doing and how far i have come, but still have the odd low day.
You have a gf thats more than i can even muster what with workin and rasing kids and the hurt and deceit of my ex partner.
All you can do is look after your self and be there for your children, small steps m8.
Do keep in touch and we are with you all the way to brighter days in the future.
Stuart(a big hug to all the responsible people out there you know who you are)
I bet that bathroom will look fabulous after. I love the idea of the shells. Daft as it is, you can't take shells or stones off the beaches around here...
I'm glad your mum was with your. Claim the petrol from your mum's house to pick you up a well. How ridiculous is all of this. I'm sure the GP's must be not impressed too, as their ability to diagnose is being questioned.
You take care. Happy grouting.
They certainly were having a good time, helped by dad's sound effects.
Thanks for that input Stuart, you're right in what you say
Sparkling lime, WHY aren't you allowed to collect stones and shells from your local beach?
Sadsy when will you get the official results of the medical thing? Or will you just get an official letter from the Benefits people? I must say that I was really shocked with what you described.
Hello sadsy
Glad you enjoyed your ride.
The reason I was shocked is that the way you described it sounded so draconian and intimidating....including the question about how you had got to the interview. I was also shocked that that would expect a person on ESA to travel that far.
What a lovely footage Sadsy. Kids certainly had a good time, and Dad too!!
The video is brilliant!
I'm glad you got out for a ride Sy.
The shells and stones came about because so many people were taking them home with them. They actually sell bags of rocks, stones and shells in the local garden centre. I've no idea what would happen though, as I think they are local bye-laws.
I believe that trucks actually were driving up to beaches and taking truck loads of sand and rocks for rockeries. Why shells are included, I'm not sure...
Having said that, we collected a load of feathers, seaweed and little shells on cub camp and we're going to be making tiles - sticking them into this air drying clay stuff. With the Scouts, I'll take the air drying clay with us to do them there.
Athritis - is very severe in both hips. I'm too young and nothing can be done for at least 5 - 10 years. The longer the better. I now have blue badge and am in receipt of DLA. I walk with a stick and have crutches in the boot for really bad emergencies to make sure I can get down to the house. Hey-ho. It's only pain. I'm not going mad as I had though for over 4 years, and pain isn't going to kill me.
I do hope you can win the cafcass lady round with your charm...
Athritis too bad too remove debris - not enough gap between the ball and socket. Pain not so bad once I get moving. Moving however can be challenging. Lucky in that I have no choice but to move.
CAFCASS - you will be honest and up front. However, there does, I'm sure, need to be a certain amount of sucking up, it that's the term. L and A are always to be your focus. Your future must always include them as you are a brilliant and responsible father.
THE PHONE - well, my fourteen year old won't use his. He has no interest in the landline and will only sometimes speak to his best friend. He'll never answer it and never make a phone call or send a text message without a lot of encouragement. Luke has the phone and that's good. You do, I feel, expect too much from the children. The fact they take you for granted is actually the best bit about it. That is because they know you're there for them. However horrid every other weekend is, they know it's going to happen. It fell apart here when The Git started to cancel the every other weekend. The children would accept that he was too busy to give them more time.
Don't you dare give up on your children. Yes, you do need to be getting on with your life. I am so sorry that you are losing your house. I know how horrid it is, yet when you move, somehow you turn the page and begin a new chapter.
Even when my Dad died, I felt it was a new chapter - a short one as my first child was born two weeks later. Yet when my Mum died it was like a book slamming shut. The divorce and the rubbish after were all new chapters. Jill dying was another book slamming shut.
I do feel that these are all chapters Sy. Difficult to read, but life is still there. Time with the horses or time with g/f show this - as do videos of starwars.
My oldest boy is now 18 - and probably every day I re-live the last 18 years of my life. My head is unkind to me in that way, as in I can't forget things. My brother often says the same. He gets so stressed about things, but we sit down and talk and honestly I can point out the positive in every negative he throws my way. He's been so down this week, yet I have turned him around and he's smiling again. Stupid trivial things for us, yet for him they're major.
You put down your negatives and let us point out the good bits. You actually have so many pluses, just the fog of negativity is clouding them.
Might not be about much until Wednesday (and tell me to go away if I am), but you post and I'll turn it.
My life. In fact, never mind my life, but the life of my children. No child should have gone through the bizare things their father has put their way. Just too hard to comprehend what was going on in his head. Also no child should ever face homelessness. My oldest finds it difficult to talk about. He's not forgotten it and will never forget being away from me with their grandparents - even then their father wouldn't have them stay.
Yet they smile, they laugh and they're living life to the full. Their laughter, if you like, is my reward. It is six years since I left. Over eight years since The Git encountered the Texan which sent life into such confusion. You're a year down the line Sy. You need to be strong.
You can do this. You're a clever bloke, who perhaps needs to try and accept a few things in life. There are questions you will never answered, and your children you need to accept that their apparent indifference actually means they love you unconditionally because they know you won't let them down.
As for murderous thoughts... I have those and they frighten me, as I think I'm a pretty placid person. I still think of a year ago December when The Git stepped out in front of my car in Asda and I did an emergency stop. He looked at me, smiled and did his stupid wave that makes me want to slap him and carried on across the road. Deliberate? I think so, as there were some other incidents, which is why I DO NOT want to see him. I still regret that emergency stop. How awful is that?
Scouts - I could have walked out tonight. They did my head in. They didn't listen and I yelled a lot. My head hurts, and really, I'm on here trying to calm down when I should be in bed.
Be strong Sy.
What ever you see as bad, look for the good. It is there.
Thank you sparkling for sharing those thoughts and experiences and and the wisdom with which you are reaching out to sadsy. It sounds as if it was quite a shocking experience for you when he seemed to step out in front of your car.
I am sorry to hear about the verdict on your arthritis. the "being too young" thing is simply because joint replacements only last too long so the later they give you one, the better from an economic point of view. Sad but true. Are there any local support things that you could be in touch with or do you want me to have a look around for some things on the Net? I am just thinking that others might be able to give you some suggestions as to foods that help/don't help or other aspects of day to day life.
Hello sadsy
Some wise words there from sparkling lime for you. I agree, if you let yourself be defeated by "the system" and lose touch with the children, it will be a great sadness for them, they need you and they deserve you to stay invincible for them.
As to the emotion beyond anger and hate, I wonder if it is complete and utter detestation? It sounds a dangerous emotion to let loose. By all means explore it with your counsellor but you need to concentrate your energies on the children, the future and the good bits of your life, not be eaten up inside by this worm of destruction.
Hope you get on Ok at Citizen's Advice today. Keep on keeping on.
It's the feeling that I could have done that that frightens me.
However, have to show the children how to behave in a responsible manner...
Hello sadsy
Whilst joining you in manic laughter about your Marigolds idea, I am sorry to say that I have had to delete that bit :-)
Hope you had a good journey to GF and will have a nice weekend together
Hi sadsy
How are you today? I hope the sun is shining where you are and as the CAFCAS woman is out, it means that you can have a well deserved break?
PS - I have initialled your daughters name for confidentiality reasons :)
Hi sadsy
Not using peoples real names is not a new thing, in our forum rules we encourage people to not use information about other people/members on our forums. This includes a person/member’s full name and/or other personal details, which could be used to identify them.
I do try and spot when people use their ex's names or their childrens, however it is easy to get caught up in the conversation to miss them.
So I appreciate that you have chosen to used initials in your last message, thank you!
Great to read that you have had a wash this morning, I think it is a good idea to wash every morning, not just for hygenic reasons, but it really helps to freshen the mind body and spirit.
What did you get the girlfriend!!?
Yes... what have you got for her?!
Enjoy the ride tomorrow.
No! No! No need to tell us Sy...
I think this should remain shrouded in mystery.......
At least 'til after the birthday... :-D
Have a good weekend with the children sadsy. Happy Fathers Day too :)
Hi sadsy
It's horrible to have such vivid dreams, isn't it? They often come to people after a traumatic event. Would it help to know that it means you are starting to heal? No, I thought not :-)
As for CASCASS, they do often talk to the children direct and on one hand, they get the chance to give their views but younger children may find it intimidating (and maybe your son also, if he likes his routines).
I agree that one night a fortnight is not a massive amount of parenting time. There is no definite rule of thumb but a pattern often seen is alternate weekends (2 nights) and one night each week. Obviously the distance would mean this would be impractical but certainly the weekends could be longer, that's obvious.
Hope the children have a good weekend and they get a horse ride
Take care
CAFCASS' behaviour seems bizar to me. They don't seem to be doing much to improve contact.
I do hope you have a good weekend though. Might be nice if the children make you a card for Father's day?
At least the security guard could see that there was a need for the fan...
Not surprised you're slumped on the sofa.
I should be gardening, but am watching wimbledon.
Hi sadsy
Glad to see that you are sorting things out at the job centre for the other poor people queuing.
I liked the name of your horse - Sean, it made me giggle!
It sounds like riding is very therapeutic for you, I hope the children enjoyed it too? Did you get handmade cards for fathers day?
The Git never feeds the children either. Very frustrating when he can only spare two hours every two or three weeks...
I think a lot of children are getting stressful now. They know that school is almost coming to an end, and with the longer days they get tired, as they're having late nights without really noticing.
I'm sure middle child will be ok tomorrow. They're not having an easy time at the mo, and good that she can phone you.
Hi sadsy
Poor L is stuck in the middle, he won't want to hurt his mum, but he feels very loyal to you. Lovely to hear that they made you cards.
I hope you managed to get through your 9GB of calls, once it is done you can put it to rest.
Its interesting looking back over things that have been said. I have files and files of court letters and cafcass letters and I can hear my despair in notes that I have made. However as time passes, you can see that your emotions were running especially high.
I wondered if you could make a picnic for the car journey home? While it is summer time? It breaks up the journey and also might make it a little more enjoyable as a last bit of fun? I think its great that you feed them before they go home, my ex never used to and it would drive me up the wall.
I like your point sparklinglime, the children always seem harder work this time of year, late nights, school hols looming and end of a long school year.
Hi Sadsy, hope you managed to finally get sleep. You can't function properly without it you know tut tut. Why is L falling asleep in class? Lack of sleep or boredom in the classroom perhaps? Hope A is feeling better now. Guess your ex will blame you for everything, no matter how big or small. Let it wash over you. I'm sure GF will just be pleased to see you. Birthdays aren't about money, just being there I'm sure is something that she'll appreciate. Her daughter semi-evil? Ooohhhh, isn't that a bit harsh? I wouldn't let GF hear you saying that!!!
I hope you have a relaxing day after such a restless night.
Take care
Alison
x
Hello Louise,
I entered to the "doctor" who was eastern european. I informed him that I was recording the session as I had come across so many complaints on the internet about ATOS that I felt unsafe.
He said he would have to end the session as recording is by previous arrangement and I would have to come back. I said no lets get it done with and stopped recording as it was such a long way to return. I asked if he was qualified as a doctor and he replied yes and I asked if it was in this country, and he declined to answer.
I said that as I understand it, my welfare was not his concern and that his role was to remove as many people from benefits as possible. It was not to be mistaken for a normal doctor patient situation.
I went through all my symptoms and history. Shed a few tears.
He conducted a memory test where he would ask me to repeat an increasing string of numbers. And count down from 100 taking seven off each time.
He wanted to know if I had driven down, and no, I said my mum had brought me. So watch out if any of you take a long journey to get there. Get someone to take you.
I found that you can reclaim petrol and parking for the journey.
Had a cup of tea and a cake with mum afterwards.
I am definitely not right in the head, as I persuaded mum to buy me £15 worth of seashells to use in my bathroom. They are all arranged on the floor of the living room and I can't vacuum up now. There must be 300 at least with more to unpack. Very lovely they are. £2.99 per basket. A bargain.
He does not share his report at this stage. I got his name before I left in case of problems. I can send off one of my deadly and ineffectual letters regarding him if need be. he said he is not allowed to write on anything. I said I can write, just need to borrow your pen. He reluctantly passed it over and spelt out his name.
Am exhausted this morning, so many calls I have made to try and save myself.
Is all slipping away. The judge is bound by law to make an immoral decision. Mum has also found out that negative equity means there is no barrier to Louise claiming housing help. It will only make the bitterness deeper when the house goes. So unnecessary.
Hug sy