hello
I have nothing to say to The Git. I don't look at him and thinking of him (when he makes waves - which isn't that often at the mo) makes me feel sick for what seems likes days.
Ok, he didn't make us homeless - that happened when the landlord sold up. But I had to go into rented accommodation because the "family" home had to be sold to pay off his debts...
I cried bucket Sy, for a very long time.
I can't think of anything to say that will make anything any better here - other than I've won the lottery and a cheque is on the way. (and I have bought two tickets, so you never know ;-) )
She is a total cow though with the phone calls (sorry, tired, and I'm sure I shouldn't call her names - but she is). All you can do is tell Luke and Arwen that you did phone and maybe mummy didn't here the phone.
I don't know.
What about the first option though? Is that feasable, do you think, for keeping the house? Especially in view of the mortgage and valuation...
Having said that, I think it has been a good move for me leaving the laughingly called "family" home behind.
Hope your mum is doing ok. I'm so glad she's there...
Hello sadsy
Tears are very appropriate for the long and weary process that you have undergone. Sparkling has told you so, too.
Please don't go back to your first posts too often, unless it is to remind yourself that you have come through so much and to pat yourself on the back.
Interesting that L admitted that she was punishing you, did she say this in front of the officials?
Hi sadsy
Hope you are well and having plenty of rest and eatting properly.
I think you should be allowed to phone your children everyday and there mum has to be reasonable its best 4 children to have both parents if possible.
I dont know how old your children are but if the mum dosent want you to ring the house phone why not try giving the children a moblie phone of there own so you can ring them on that.
Just an idea m8 keep strong and hope you can sort out a court order that your ex-partner can stick to so you get quality time with your children.
All the best Stuart.
Sadsy said
"Why is it that it is considered acceptable for women:
take the children
hit the children
get automatic care of the children
make their ex partner homeless
control contact
If the situation was reversed, it would be reprehensible. The "evil father"."
It isn't. In my case it was reversed. The Git has lots of sympathy and I believe people I thought were friends believe I'm evil.
Your situation is appalling.
Sy, your children will always love you. You will be able to tell them all you do to see them and how disappointed you were when mummy didn't feel able to let you phone - not running down the mother, but at the same time pointing out that you have consistently tried.
Listen to your Mum and your wonderful girl friend. They are right.
One thing I didn't have was family support. Whether it would have been easier, I don't know, as Jill was so incredibly wonderful (I so hope I was to her).
Living it is a nightmare. Just as time goes by the nightmare gets easier to live with.
I really hope that AnL are able to listen and be constructive. I have everything crossed that that side will work out, and diy thread can be up and running while you tell us of the jobs you've been doing.
Your counsillor (I always spell it wrong, sorry) seems to be so caring.
So - party with the children this weekend? Party with your Mum? Party with Mum and girlfriend? Party with girlfriend?
I do hope you're having a party, with cake...
Hi sadsy
It seems so strange when two people agree to mediation to then be told that they are unsuitable, or it is inappropriate. How difficult for you.
Have a look at this link from Shelter, it has lots of useful info on repossession and what to expect of the bailiffs if ordered to leave.
sparklinglime is absolutely right, please try and let the children know that you adore them and would love to have more contact, however it doesn't seem possible at the moment (without slating mum). They won't forget you, even if you only have a couple of calls a week or a fortnight they both know you and you aren't going anywhere. When they are older they won't come looking for you, because you won't have gone anywhere.
I guess it is just having to adjust to the situation, so frustrating for you, but you will get through this. I am glad you have support from the women in your life. Look after them.
So birthday, what are you up to???
Try not to take it personally when the children don't seem to miss you. In a way that's good, as they know you are there. You're taken for granted because you are there...
I think that's a good question to ask your father. I'd be interested to know his reply and his reaction...
Have a fab time with lovely girlfriend.
Hugs
Happy Birthday Sadsy. I know things are really difficult for you right now, but please try and enjoy your day with the GF.
What plans do you both have for today? Bike ride maybe! She'll love that!
Take care
Alison
x
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Sy
Happy Birthday to you!
I hope your girlfriend slept well. Nothing wrong with snoring **ahem** I often wake myself up with my snoring!!
The 'mutual' friends. No idea why they turned against me. The Git is very clever with words. Still is when it comes to things with the children too. I don't know what was said, I just know I didn't hear from some friends again. Not so much the support they could have offered me, but the consistence they could have provided in the children's lives rather than just disappear.
None asked me what was happening. One had been a friend all my life. But there you go.
Five years to find peace? I'm not sure. With me, it took that long to accept things. I was so determined to get The Git to be involved fully in the children's lives. Youngest breaking his leg was a catalyst for me, when he didn't get in touch to see how his son was doing. Loads had happened before then, but I still expected more. That week I gave up.
I still have blips, but I figure I'm as good as I'll be now, mentally.
Why do you think you won't see the children? This really concerns me. At 11, in my opinion, Luke is old enough for a phone. You can keep them topped up on line, so you can see the balance (what I do with my lot). In my case, The Git has the numbers of the phones the older three have (although 14 year old keeps his off). The idea was for him to be able to phone, but he chooses not to. Youngest has a very basic phone, but it is in a draw and he takes it when he goes out. He is 11, but he's no interest in it.
Please have a wonderful day with girlfriend. I'm so glad she's with you. Gorgeous day here, and even though I have the back door open, the fresh smell of the stuff they were spreading on the field yesterday means I will have to close it!! lol
Good morning sadsy and happy birthday, do try and enjoy the day, in spite of all that is going on.
All the best people snore.....:-)
Luke is old enough to have a phone, in my opinion. Maybe you could say to him that it is just if he wants/needs to be in touch (even by text) rather than making him feel he has to go behind his mother's back. It seems likely that you will see the children, if courts put orders in place they almost always want children to see both parents.
Poor Luke and poor Arwen.
Remember to always let them know you've tried...
Dear sadsy
Happy Birthday for the weekend, I hope that you and GF had a good one.
Eviction - The bailiffs won't surprise you, you will be given an eviction notice with a date for when you will need to be out. Have you call the Shelter Homeowner Helpline? 0300 3300515? It might be worth talking to them as they are experts in all of this.
Good Father-Bad Father, this was written by Pat Craven for survivors of domestic abuse. It was written for women as the majority of survivors are women, however when running the Freedom Programme course (within this is included) we talk a lot about abusive people in general as some women may have been in same sex relationships.
I thought it was relevant to the site as hopefully it will make people recognise what is acceptable and what is not. It may be reinforcing stereotypes and cliches but unfortunately abusive people tend to be stereotypical and very similar to one another.
The children - I think sparklinglime hit the nail on the head, if the children don't seem to be missing you it is because they take you for granted, i.e they trust that you are there and not going anywhere.
From my experience with my daughter as long as you keep in touch you will not be forgotten. Your children might not want to respond to texts or interrupt their evening to speak to you, thats children for you, but if you completely disappeared they would notice. Children are very adaptable, so they have probably taken the move and the new schools and family situation in their stride. They need you to just keep being you and being strong and coping with it.
I completely agree that honesty is the best policy, within reason. The last thing we want to hear as children is about our parents disagreements, or how let down we feel or when we are in a bad place, they want us to be happy and if they can't do anything about our happiness they then may feel unhappy about themselves too.
This turned out to be a long post, I hope that you are feeling a bit better after a weekend with your GF and that you are trying to find one positive thing in every day?
That's good apologised!
Glad you said goodnight to Luke too.
How's your filing system?
Glad you got an apology sadsy.
Just a suggestion: if when you go on this thread you do the following, you should not have to see your first ever post.
Click "Your talk" on the bar near the top, then "Discussions" on the purple panel on the left, then "Introduce yourself" and list of the thread titles will come up, including your "hello" thread. Do not click on "hello", instead click on where it says"Last page" just to the right of the topic...and only the most recent page of this thread will come up. That works on mine anyway, does it on yours?
You're bound to be suspicious, sadsy! I think the guilt possibility sounds pretty unlikely though.
How are you feeling today?
Sorry, but you're going to be cross with me here.
I think you should have the children, even if it is her taking advantage. And add an extra week on the end to have them for a fortnight.
If she doesn't agree to that, then I would go for another fortnight which will make it harder.
Stuff her Sy, she's made choices. But heck, if it means Arwen and Luke being with you for a decent bit of time, grab it.
I had ex cancel agreed contact as he had to go somewhere, and he wouldn't back down. I had no choice, of course, I couldn't go to see Bryn Terfel and Catherine Jenkins, as I couldn't afford the extra £100 needed for tickets to take the children along. Different, I know, but I do know where you're coming from.
Lovely phone - I got that for my daughter's birthday and she loves it!
That's a shame that you did not get your horse ride.
When we are low, most of us do tend to want to hide away and find it hard to get motivated enough to get a bath, it is indicative of your mood, sadsy, and worth mentioning to the GP next time, if you have not done so yet.
Good that you spoke with the children, sadsy. That feeling that you have of dreading the calls, I would like to guess that it is not that you don't want to talk to them, it is that anything at the moment feels like a major effort. if you could force yourself to do a bike ride or a good walk every day that would really, really help...probably the last thing you want to hear right now.
I am still smiling about the fact that you received that letter of apology from the barrister
Your solicitor told you off?? Tut ;-)
So glad that you've spoken to the children.
Hi Pansy
I am glad that you can see the good things that have come out of all your upheaval, I am sure it must have been difficult at times to see that though! No wonder you are tired.
Well done for sorting out the way forward with your daughter. Sometimes we have to summon superhuman tenacity to stick to our guns. It also sounds as if you are pulling away from the "parental" responsibility you felt for so long towards your children's father, that is a big achievement too. This is a real chance to start again.
Pansy, that sounds really positive.
Sy - I hope you got to speak to the children.
You've not known where Pansy's been?
Hehehe. I've also played the game for long enough. Time to just come out and say it
Guessing it's down to you then. Nice to see you posting Pansy.
Take care
Alison
x
Oh dear,
Louise is refusing to pick up the phone tonight.
No night night call with the children. They'll be upset if they hear the ringing and ringing.
I shudder when I see my first post above this one.
Hope you all well.
Hug(e) sy