hello

Hey there Stuart and Louise,

thanks for your replies. Directions hearing is 30 mins. Just to hear basic arguments. magistrate may decide there an then if my reply is so thin. Really wish I hadn't decided to sign-up half the house to Louise. I thought I was doing the honourable thing.

I worked 50hrs + a week to get into this house and signed-up to 20k of personal loan. Not letting go that easily. Wonder what Louise will expect of me once she has made me homeless? Doesn't really make for a good relationship for the future? How would you feel if someone cheated on you, took the kids and then made you homeless....? She has another 12 years of me yet. 

Tried to change spark plugs on car this morning, but bonnet won't open. Small things affect me. Fed-up with life being like this. Now have 4hr trip to my long suffering girlfriend with stuttering car. Not sure what she sees in me, I've managed to tick most of the bad boyfriend check boxes.

So tired. No wonder 40% of dad's give up and don't see their children anymore. 93% of residency is with mother's. Don't talk to me about gender bias.

I get stressed before the children come, just in case they don't have a good time. I'm OK after half a day. I need to make sure Arwen's bottom doesn't clog up like christmas. I have some lactulose which should do the trick.

5hrs of maths questions was a bit tough yesterday. Frequency tables, mean mode median, yaaawn. Brains jettison what's not useful, and all that stuff was jettisoned 25 years ago. 

Luke says we can have a rest day if I get tired. His aspergers is receding for sure now he's 10.

I related my 9months with relate mediation (single session). I cried, which surprised me after all this time. But I was shamefully crying for myself, out of pity, it was an awful story. Ah well. 

Have resolved not to help Louise with house sale. My downfall is if they change the locks somehow. Charging costs to me will do no good. CCJ, I'm not bothered, is the least of my worries. I am aiming for the title "awkward bugger" of Kent.

Found a picture of Louise when I was searching for spark plug socket. She was so pretty to me. A small bleached-out picture in a xmas cracker picture frame. Kept in my drawer of rechargeable batteries, 10mm spark sockets, miscellaneous cables 1p and coppers, cuff links, travelcard from 2006, 1 unused condom packet, charger for something I probably don't have anymore, keys to hotel room in Canadian university from 1998, my old Lamy pen I thought I'd lost and a red keyring maglite torch that was a gift to Louise.

I can't get Louise off house deeds unless I'm working, I can't work until contact court case is done, as the costs would be enormous. Am caught, stuck.

I have no representation for house court appearance. As I'm a lost cause.

Ah well, guess I'll poke around under bonnet with screwdriver to try and release bonnet manually. Maybe it will fly open on the M3 at 90mph? 

best pack my scrunched-up T-shirts then. Not washed today, toe is still strapped and aching.

Lost my ipod, where is it? Need it for 4hrs of driving, car radio was stolen years ago.

Helped with horse buckets despite broken toe. Was bitterly cold and rained horizontally. Carrying endless buckets of water. Such that I was concentrating on reaching a particular patch of mud on the ground. Was too tired to go back for my free ride later on. Sat on sofa and nodded-off instead.

Happy Easter for you all.

Hug sy

ps, can we have some harder maths questions, or general knowledge for CAPTCHA?

Hello,

been ill all week. Tragic, as I've had the children to stay for the week, it was Luke's birthday wish, a week with daddy. I hope he is not disappointed, as he sleeps in front of me.

Can't lay down, cough too much. Was sick in the sink last night.

Also, I have mistaken the day for them to go back by 24hrs. Both Luke and and I thought it was a week, but upon looking at letter it was 6 days. Now I'm for it.

I have apologised to Louise in a text, without even drawing parallels to the me waiting for the children when they were abducted from school.

Have quite a bit of practical stuff to do once children go back in 7 hrs.

Last desperate scramble for info before directions hearing on forcing sale of house.

Really need some sleep. Very tired. The smallest things exhaust me.

Also, I'm really fat and uncomfortable now. Loss of home should take a few pounds off I guess.

Night night :)

Can of worms

Have introduced GF to video conferencing. Now, I wonder if it is such a good thing? What if I want to slob-out, or sit in underwear?

She can see everything!

I suspect we may both develop "technical faults" which affect the service.

Huge, sy

Noo hyenas aren't laughing!

Just to let you know that I had a poor meeting with Jobcentre last Friday. I got my meeting day mixed up with my registration day. When I phoned to confirm when it was, it had already passed. They have closed my benefits down now. It was only when I was in tears that they suggested I go onto esa, which I'm not even sure what it is. The medication and stress affect my memory. I did apologise for any inconvenience but it is worthless it seems.

My jobsearch activity levels have been really high and I thought I had been doing really well keeping going. I have applied for over 300 jobs. I have refused to be signed-off in the past as I desperately want to get my life back.

Had estate agent in today, she confirmed valuation that would create 20k negative equity if Louise forces sale of house. I have no legal support.

Louise still messing me around on contact call. Children are "watching telly". Last time the call had to be ended because "Arwen has to have her nails cut".

Am so tired.

sy

Hello Louise,

ex believes house is not in negative equity, for some reason the recession has passed her by unnoticed. Magistrate has power to change ownership however not sure if Alliance & Leicester have to approve it too. They won't, as both parties are unemployed.

Also, not sure if Louise realises that contrary to what happens with family law, the Legal Aid people will put a charge on the house to recover legal costs, as it is deemed that there has been monetary gain. If she has costs of 3-4k then that will be the additional debt. As well as selling costs of 5k.

Had a horse ride yesterday in exchange for water buckets. Unfortunately I brushed against the electric tape and shocked my left buttock. It really stung for 5 mins! 

Not sure how my health is doing. Getting out and about helps.

I can lose my thread in a conversation easily. There no food in house except cereal.

Have a dead espace in the drive. Trouble is, it looks fine. So am reluctant to say goodbye to it.

Ah well, best see who's phoning me.

hug(e) sy x

Hello,

I have a barrister coming with me on Monday for the initial hearing for forcing sale of the house.

Have composed a statement.

Although, I am smelly. I've completely gone off washing for some reason.

Gaaawd, is awful seeing my first post above this one. 

My counsellor says what goes around comes around. Not sure I believe in it really. 

Is this comment box wider....?

Am putting-off going to bed. Not much to look forward to. 

I guess I should say night night.

hug sy

Gaawd, like wading through treacle today. Can hardly move. 

Need to find the latest valuation on house letter. Is a bit crucial. sigh.

Sun is welcome though.

Every day I get more letters through the door. Never been so popular. Shame they are all brown ones. Trying to get to GFs today, although all my clothes are wet still from mammoth washing session yesterday. Mum has given me £10 to have a tea and coffee with GF :)

Must get some courage together to call Alliance and Leicester now am on DSA the payment was interrupted.

Am going to try and fit 2 bikes inside a nissan almera, lol. Be prepared for lots of cursing and squashed fingers. GF and I looking to cruise somewhere flat when I arrive, burn some calories.

This bigger comment box is much better. How do I find all my posts and how do I tell how many posts someone has made? 

Not sure where or how to vote, duh, I need to look it up.

You'll all be pleased to know that I am no longer smelly.

Why can't I move? Am just sitting, paralysed.

Looking to see GP Tuesday, I dropped a tablet on the floor in the kitchen which should tide me over a day after court.

hug sy x

Am smelly again. Phew.

Court in a couple of hours. Children said they aren't going to school today, so Louise will be there to ensure I fall. Is a directions hearing so wasn't sure she would turn up.

Court not answering the phone. Just wanted to confirm the time and parking.

I do have a last minute barrister.

I guess it does go to show that if one law firm refuses legal aid, that it is worth trying another.

Quite unprompted, arwen wished that I could stay in the house where i feel safe and get a job. I guess she must have overheard louise at some point yesterday. Luke had no idea why he was off school.

Louise is so arrogant, she thinks the children won't have a view about her actions. We all "reap what we sow" when it comes to children.

Will post tonight to tell what happens.

Hug sy x

Hello,

had a hard time at court. Louise wouldn't look at me at all. 

It looks like I will be made homeless but not right now.

A letter is going to Alliance and Leicester to explain the court situation. They will be given 2 choices.

1. Sign Louise off deeds and mortgage and take chance of me recovering and getting job.

2. Not sign Louise off and losing £25k through forced sale of the house. Louise doesn't care and will go bankrupt. I guess I will too as my debt is larger.

I don't seem to have any rights.

I had to speak with the opposing barrister after Court for laughing at me in courtroom, as I regard this as unprofessional conduct on a serious matter. I have just drafted a letter of complaint.

Ref: unprofessional conduct – xxxxx xxxxxx

Dear Mr xxxxx,

I feel it necessary to write to you, after being the victim of unprofessional conduct today in a meeting with xxx xxxx.

At the meeting Mr xxxxx attempted to ridicule and humiliate me, laughing in Court. 

I would remind you that the Court and the proceedings taking place today are a serious matter and that ridicule is not acceptable behaviour in Court and is a form of abuse.

I am sure that Family Law Bar Association, Administrative Law Bar Association and Professional Negligence Bar Association would agree that this example falls below their professional standards.

I have attempted to speak with Mr xxxxx about his behaviour, however he declined to give any coherent account of himself.

I expect a letter of apology from Mr xxxx and your assurance that he is reminded of his professional obligations for conduct in Court.

You have until 15th May to respond.

It's not one of my best letters, I guess. I feel better for it. If I'm not satisfied I'll contact the professional associations he is accredited with to ask if they think this is proper conduct for court.

I have 1st mediation with Louise at relate (the family court took on my hopeful recommendation in the directions) on Wednesday. Imagine trying to get mediation going between Louise and me now. Will be a waste of petrol driving all the way to Romford I think. I'm going to attend though, will be really funny. Like trying to get a concentration camp victim to work with Dr Mengele.

"You must try and think of the future and put your past differences behind you...." lol.

Mum has gone home and I am alone in the house, very quiet and still. Not sure what to do with myself. Need to rummage around on the kitchen floor for the anti-depressant tablet that escaped a few nights back. I'm out of tablets till tomorrow.

I cried tears of anger and self-pity in the debrief room. Luckily Louise had gone by time I emerged so she would not be happy at my despair. 

Not sure whether to go to bed. Feel a bit tired.

hug(e) sy

Hello Anna,

thank you for posting. Am still sitting here, hours after mum left. It's hard to relax at the moment.
Feeling very cross.

Cafcass not been in contact yet about visiting and starting the "who's the best parent competition".

My barrister said it was just "his style". I said no, it was unprofessional. I am sure that there is no such thing as 'anything goes' in court conduct. Just poor discipline and monitoring of performance.

I have often thought, that in tearful breakdowns, something dies inside us. What grows in it's place is the thing that changes you. I wonder if rage is what is growing in place of tolerance for me. I guess it's how monsters are made.

Louise is only going to mediation because I added it to the court directions at the contact hearing. It will go against her if she does not attend. I'm not expecting anything from her.

It will take me 2-3 days to recover from today.

Still sitting.

Hug(e) sy